Breaking The Bad Boy Myth

Chapter 3: Sasha not-so Baren-Cohen

We got to the club at eleven o'clock that night, which was ridiculous. I'd spent a few hours waiting at home while Kelly did something with 'Patrick' the boyfriend. When we got there, Kelly and I found a booth and sat down. She scoped out the club.

"What are you looking for," I asked.

"Our target," she said. "I've narrowed it down to three girls."

"By what logic," I said.

"Women's intuition," she said. "Trust me, our best bet are one of those two blondes, or the redhead at the bar."

"No blondes," I said. "I'll go for the redhead."

"What do you mean, 'no blondes.' What is wrong with blondes?"

"Why are you offended," I asked, pointing at her dark hair.

"I am offended on their behalf," she said. "They are not all like Britney, you know. By the way, she is here, scoping out the guy at the bar."

"What is the plan?" I asked. "Do I just approach the redhead, or stand by the wall like I am rebellious for no reason."

"First, tell me the truth, why the ban on blonde girls."

"No," I said, an ice cold tone in my voice.

"Oh, that was creepy," Kelly said. "I know what's up. You had a girl, a blonde girl. And she fell for some jackass with a bad boy complex while you were ignored. Isn't that what you said, friend-zoned for life?"

"Shut up," I said, regretting my harsh tone immediately. "I mean, I'm sorry. I don't care to discuss her."

"Ok," Kelly said. "No blondes, no discussion."

"So what is our game plan," I said. "She seems a bit smarter than our waitress."

"Redhead has already had four shots," Kelly said. "She is smashed."

"That's not a plan," I replied.

"Ok," Kelly said. "You make out with some girl, and then ditch that girl. Go up to the bar like it didn't happen."

"I think that's the wrong idea," I said.

"Girls want other girl's boyfriends," Kelly said. "Why else would our waitress have hit on you?"

"Because I ooze seduction. Clearly."

"So, go and kiss some girl," Kelly said.

"Like you," I said. "I vote I kiss you, and maybe grab your ass a little. Just for the show, of course."

"No," she said, without explanation. "Kiss some other girl, and then walk away. Sit next to the redhead and order some shots. Ignore her, and I guarantee she'll chat you up. Then I want you give her mixed messages, hot and cold, hot and cold."

"Then I ask for her number," I asked.

"No," Kelly said. "Flirt, and then leave. Don't get her number, just leave her hanging. Do however, find a casual way to run into her tomorrow before you leave."

"Ok, I got it," I said.

The plan sounded dumb, but who was I to question? I'd joined the church of Kelly, after all.

"Now who should we have you make out with," Kelly said, scanning the room.

"I think Britney is a good plan," I said. "She might not recognize me."

"Are you into chicks who can't read?"

"No, but it's strategic," I said. "If I can get her to chase after me and try to 'tame' me, then she looses valuable time."