Breaking The Bad Boy Myth

Chapter 2: How to Win a Waitress without even Trying

Of all the things I expected to learn at Seventeen, I didn't expect to confirm my dislike of leather.

"This jacket is stiff," I said. "And why am I wearing a nirvana t shirt?"

"Because I said so," Kelly replied. "Now, you've got the clothes and the hair, you need a few accessories."

"Accessories," I said. "Dear god, I'm going to off myself and get it over with."

"Here," she said, opening a Seventeen tote bag. "Marisa gave me this when you were getting dressed."

She handed me a carton of Marlboros, and I shook my head.

"I am not getting cancer," I said. "No way is this worth it."

"They're fake," she said. "Prop cigarettes, Kellan. They blow out vapor and look real, without the smell of the cancer. Of course, we'll need to get a really dumb broad who doesn't question why you don't smell like an ashtray, as you so elegantly put it."

"So I smoke, I look like this, and how else do I put out 'bad boy vibes'," I asked.

"It's all about your swag," she said.

"My swag," I replied.

"Yes, white boy, you need some swag," She said. "But a specific type of swagger, an 'I don't give a shit' demeanor. You need to be able to say in a single look, I am mysterious and deep, and also give off the impression that you could swallow up a girl and spit her out."

"And women like this," I said. "This mysterious yet damaged act."

"Some do," Kelly said. "I personally only needed to date one 'bad boy' to get over it. The bad boy I knew wasn't golden underneath."

"Did he end up in prison," I asked, instantly regretting saying the first thing I thought.

"What, because I'm bi-racial you assume I have some imprisoned wannabe baby-daddy?"

"No," I said. "I just have some biases against bad boys."

"He cheated on me," she said. "And then moved on. But no, I don't date freaking criminals. God, Kellan, you need a filter."

"I sure do," I said with a smile. "That's how I got here, in this crappy jacket."

"Whatever, back to the attitude," Kelly demanded. "You need to work on your brooding. Make me a good brooding face."

"How does one brood," I asked. "I have two expressions, blank and eye-roll."

"Start with blank," she ordered. I complied. "Now, try to furrow your brows...no, not like you're constipated. There, that's better. Now pout your lips...A little less. No, this isn't working."

"I told you," I said.

"I have an idea," she said. "Ok, go back to having a blank, emotionless face."

I did as she said, trying not to grin. Kelly was actually sort of cute underneath the crazy she was shoving at me. She wasn't really controlling, just very competitive.

"Now, I want you to think about Britney giggling while some almost convict scopes out her ass," Kelly said.

I could instantly feel my annoyance grow as I pictured it, oh the stupidity. Why would a girl like her like such assholes? She deserved better; all women did.

"Good, hold that face," she said. "Now soften your eyebrows just a bit."

I did so, and in response Kelly started laughing out loud and clapping.