cracked • lashton [v slow updates]

four - ashton

my pop is on a tear when i get home from school today. he's got a pretty good load on, and his white t-shirt has gold dribbled down the front.

did you know when beer dries on a white t-shirt, it dries light gold?

i know.

by the look of the garbage can, he's had almost a full case of alcohol already. but the true indicator of his intoxication are his hands. if his hands are open, he's not drunk. if they're shut tight in fists, he's drunk.

both of his hands are clenched.

"you kill your granmaaah. my bonnee. she nev hah heart prob before you. . . you . . . you were born!" he shouts in his slurred drunk-talk.

i duck to avoid getting hit with a crushed beer can. "come on pop, let's get you to bed," i say. if i can get him to pass out before he can start swinging, i'm usually good.

"don't tell me what i. . . what i should do."

my uncle sammy must be out of prison again, because i see that the kitchen table is covered in various weed paraphernalia. he probably came by today, because pops doesn't do drugs. my mom doesn't either. i frequently question why i don't.

"what did uncle sammy want, pop?" i ask, hoping to get him to unclench his fists and climb into bed.

no luck. just saying sammy's name is enough to make him snap. pop flies out of his chair and is on me before i have time to cover my face.

"don't you ask me 'bout sam! don't you ask me nothin', you moron! you ruined my life," he growls.

each word is defined by a punch. my pop is really good at making words hurt, bruise, and bleed. he eventually collapses in a heap. i leave him there, passed out, and stumble to the bathroom to check out the damage. not too bad- most of his punches landed on my body, but he did manage to split my left cheek with one of the rings he wears. that means questions from adults at school.

i stare into my own eyes in the mirror, and punch it with self-hatred. i study my features, thinking, "you're so stupid, a real idiot. you're a fucking asshole, idiot!"

i'm supposed to be at work in twenty minutes, so i find a bandaid in the cupboard below the sink and get my story straight.

bmx crash. tried to jump a curb, but a kid got in my way. did a face-plant.

blood has dripped onto my t-shirt, so i rip though the closet to find a new one. it's full to about my waist with bags of shit mainly from the salvy, but my clothes are in here too. my mom usually takes a trash bag full to the laundromat whenever she has enough change to get a load through the washing machine and dryer. that's about every two or three weeks, sometimes longer. it all depends on if there's leftover cash after buying beer and cigarettes.

the woman has her priorities.

still, i haven't found a clean laundry bag, and half the junk is now piled outside the closet. i pull out a paper grocery bag that's rolled shut. "since when did anyone in this house ever set foot in a whole foods?" i think.

the bag has been rolled and unrolled so many times that it's all soft, and it actually stays rolled shut perfectly. until i open it.

inside, i find a gun. i don't know anything about guns other than what i've seen on t.v and in the movies. i don't know what type of gun this is. i just know it's a gun, and it's real. it's heavy.

pop grunts on the floor behind me.

i jump, drop the gun back into the whole foods bag, and close it. he's still passed out. i stuff the bags of clothes back into the closet. i now have a problem: where do i put the brown bag? i have no place of my own here- no bedroom, no closet, no dresser. i have a sofa that smells like a urinal, and that's it. i run my hand over my face, evaluating what to do. my mom has a dresser and a bed. that's it for her room.

i turn around to look into pop's room. twin bed, night table, and bags of my dead grandmother's clothes. and that's it. the bag of clean laundry is in there, though, sitting on his bed. he must have forgotten to put it back in the closet.

and he calls me a moron.

but i'm a moron with a gun now.

-

a/n: oH, TELL ME WHAT WE'RE FIGHTING FOR, IT'S TURNING TO AN ALL OUT WAR

(such an underrated 5sos song tbh)

anyway uhhh stuff will start happening soON bc ash has a gun???