cracked • lashton [v slow updates]

one - luke

i can't remember a time i haven't wanted ashton irwin to be dead. not that i would have anything to do with his death- i'm not a wacko with photos of him hanging in my room and a gun collection. i'm the victim.

ashton irwin has bullied me relentlessly since kindergarten, and since then i've learned that he's an asshole and will always be an asshole. still, i wish he'd come down with an incurable disease or crash his stupid bmx bike and die.

lately, as in the past two years of high school, he's been absent a lot. each day that he's not in class, i secretly hope to hear the news that he's died. as in, not-ever-coming-back-to-school-again dead. maybe then i'd feel a little less anxious, and a little less like i had to look over my shoulder every five seconds. basically, ashton has a track record for being a dick. death is my only real option.

last year, ashton pantsed me in gym. twice. as sad as it is, the first time wasn't that bad. only two guys saw my underwear, as we were in the locker room after class. it kinda sucked that the two guys were even lower on the social ladder than me, if that was even possible. they had each other to hang out with, while i only had ashton to torment me.

a few weeks after the first incident, ashton had put a little thought and planning into pantsing me, and did it in the gym. coach had stepped back into his office to get his whistle, and ashton took the opportunity to pull down both my pants and underwear. he'd yelled to the class of 45, saying to look and see if i was a boy or a girl.

in that moment, it felt like ashton had grabbed my soul. i don't consider myself dramatic, but i felt frozen to the ground when i realized what he'd done. without saying a word, i'd pulled my bottoms back up and walked into the locker room. once there, i puked in the corner like a fucking animal.

ashton was suspended, giving me two ashton-free days guaranteed. that was supposed to make me feel better, but every time i walked down a hallway in school i thought of the 45 other grade nine kids, half of which who were girls, who had seen my balls. it made me gag without fail, and i'd have to run to the closest bathroom to puke up chunks of shame and disgrace.

my bully has a habit of triggering my bodily functions, unfortunately. in grade two he sucker-punched me, causing me to fall face-first into a pile of tiny rocks. he had just enough time to press my face deeper into the rocks and announce to everyone that i'd pissed my pants before the playground monitor wandered over. i knew i'd pissed my pants, so i lay face-down for as long as i could. the warm humiliation spread through my khaki shorts, and i knew as soon as i stood up that the colour difference would be a blinking arrow to the entire playground that yes, luke hemmings had just pissed his pants. 

i got up on my elbows and felt my cheeks. it was like my face had sucked up the rocks for nutrients or something, because many were embedded in my skin. the school nurse had to pop a bunch of them out, making me look like i had a bunch of pimples. twenty-three red, oozing pimples.

my father had wanted to know what i'd done to provoke "that boy," as if ashton was actually human. my mother only cared about what the adults at school thought about her eight-year-old son pissing his pants. she said it made her look bad, and the teachers would think she wasn't raising me right.

she had actually asked me, "luke, are you one of those weird boys? are you? you can't do that to mommy, i've worked very hard to get to where i am in this community, to live in this neighborhood and in this beautiful home. i can't have my child embarrassing me. do you understand, lucas? i can't have you be one of those weird boys."

i remember that i apologized for embarrassing her.

ashton cut in front of me in the lunch line the next day. he shoved me and said, "out of my way, pee boy."

i remember apologizing to him, too.

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a/n: okay this is only close to word for word during some of the dialogue and that's bc the beginning is helpful to set up the story,, soon i'll add more of my own twist on the story but for now you're just learning the backstory and so it's p similar to the actual book