Lams Oneshots^^

An Attempt

"Alex, no, please listen to me! Don't do it!" It's too real. Too real. No..

My eyes fly open and I turn around to see him running towards me, his curls bouncing against his shoulders. I choke on the lump in my throat and I can't move, I'm shaking so much. I just stare at him until he finally reaches me, crashing to the ground on his knees in front of me. He doesn't even wince at how hard he hit the metal, he just grabs my arm and pulls me to him with all his strength. It doesn't require much, I'm weak. I'm surprised I'm even holding on anymore, surprised I haven't fallen already. He falls onto his behind and I tumble into him limply as he wraps his arms so tightly around my chest I think he's nearly going to choke me. He's breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling against mine.

"Lexy," he breathes through tears, "My love, oh my God. Never do that again, I was so scared, are you okay? Oh, love, you scared me," he sobs into my shoulder, and I let him.

"I'm sorry," it's almost a whisper, barely even my voice. He gives himself a moment to control his breathing before he pushes me back and holds me at length.

He sighs shakily, "Alex, please just tell me what's wrong. Tell me everything. Let me comfort you, let me help you, please." I play with my fingers and look behind me, considering that I could easily leap out of his arms and over the side. He puts his hand on my cheek, gentle but stern, and forces me to look at him. "You look me in the eye, Alexander," I comply to his severe tone, peering up into the blue orbs. They remind me of the water. He straightens his voice, forcing all the quivering out of it and speaking almost through his teeth. "I swear to God, if you jump I'm going with you. I won't hesitate. I promise. And you know I don't break promises. Ever," he enunciates the last word harshly, persuading me to believe him. It works, at the idea he plants in my mind the sob I've been holding back bursts out, and I cover my face with my hands shamefully. He rises onto his knees so he can better pull me into a hug so close that there's no space at all between us. He doesn't let go for a long moment, and when he does his callused hands wrap around my wrists, softly but firmly pulling my own hands away from my face. He brings them to his chest, where I can feel the pounding of his heart, almost too fast to believe he's human.

"John.." the word comes out as a whimper even though I don't mean for it to, and in the moment it doesn't feel right, so I steady my voice and try again. "Jackie." He looks down at me with large compassionate eyes, prodding for me to explain myself. "I-I'm just a burden to you.." His hands tighten around mine, he looks almost offended.

"What the hell? No you aren't. You're anything but a burden. You're my life, Lexy," I can feel his voice in his chest, deep and smooth, rumbling against my palms and cutting right through my core. It's as if someone is draining the tears out of my body, they fall and I have no control over it.

"But I am. All I am is a broken piece of shit, I'm constantly depressed, and it seems like all you do is help me. You deserve better." He pauses for a second, frowns and shakes his head slightly.

"Do I help you?" My mouth falls open, shocked that he would even need to ask me that.

"Absolutely, you help so much. Much more than anyone in my life ever has.."

"Do I give you a reason to live?"

I tilt my head at him, then look down at my lap, "Y-yes.. You do.."

"Then why?" he whispers painfully. I gulp. How do I make him understand? How do I get him to grasp that this was for him, this was so that he could finally be happy?

"It was because you're my reason to live. You've given me everything anyone could possibly give me, and I have nothing to give you in return. I'm a horrible person, you deserve so so much better. And if I'm gone then.."