Who do think you are?

Fading scars

Hey guys! So... this is pretty crap. I'm sorry, but I'm trying, okay? You're really patient with this, which I'm thankful for since I don't know what I'm doing, but oh well.

DISCLAIMER I DO NOT OWN BLUE EXORCIST

He was standing in the kitchen at the monastery, chopping vegetables at the counter, the movements out of his control. He was standing on a stool, being far too short to reach on his own. His hands were tiny. The situation felt familiar but he couldn't remember from where.

"That's it, you got it Rin." Shiro's voice was soft and encouraging. He suddenly became aware of a pair of hands on his shoulders.

Now Rin remembered this, when he was first learning to cook, he'd been using a knife when suddenly-

"Shit!" He cried. He'd cut a finger on the knife, and he remembered it had hurt badly. He also remembered not crying over the cut, even when his father had to put hydrogen peroxide on the cut to clean it.

"You okay, Rin?" Shiro asked gently. Rin smiled brightly. "Yeah, I'm fine." Shiro gave a relieved sigh. "Great. In that case," He flicked him on the forehead. "What the heck?!" Rin cried, rubbing his forehead as if it were about to bruise.

"Who taught you to talk like that, Rin?" His father asked, annoyed. Rin rolled his eyes. "You old man. Who else would I have learned it from?" Shiro gave an indignant cry of "I don't talk like that!"and Rin laughed. Shiro huffed, rolling his eyes back at his son. Rin couldn't remember what had happened after that, but the dream continued.

Rin sighed.

"Why'd you do it?" He asked, voice soft. There was no answer. Rin knew there wouldn't be an answer. He'd log since stopped trying to rationalize one. It only led to more heartache.

Instead, Shiro pulled back in a flinch. "I-I'm, erm." Rin knew what he wanted to hear from him. He also knew he'd never hear it. "It's not okay, but I'm trying." He said softly. "I hope I can forgive you one day. I love you Dad."

--

There were a few things Rin noticed when he woke that morning. First off, he felt like shit, his head hurt, his throat was sore, and he was exhausted. How much sleep did he even get last night? Second off, he was way too hot. Sure, it was below freezing outside and their heating could be finicky about working when it wanted to be, but he felt like he'd been out in the sun for 12 hours before.

And finally, he realized he couldn't move due to an annoying large something laying partially on him. He wrenched himself from the grasp of whatever was holding him down.

Oh.

Suddenly the events of the previous night came flooding back. He bit his lip. Rin moved back, leaning against the wall behind his bed. He really, really needed to rethink things.

'I can't let this keep happening. I'm fucking sick of this.' He thought to himself. Rin glanced over at the window, deciding to see what things looked like outside. He moved to the window. A fresh layer of snow blanketed what Rin could see of the ground. Rin took a quick glance at his phone. 5:30 am. He winced, damn it was early. When did he fall asleep anyway?

He was about to put his earphones in, when he heard a popping on the door. Rin recognized the sound, knowing it was Kuro's way of knocking on the door. He twisted the door knob before going to sit on the bed.

Kuro immediately bound into the room, jumping into Rin's lap and nuzzling his head into his stomach. 'How did you sleep, Rin? I noticed you seemed upset last night.' He asked, worry coating the cat's tone of voice. Rin smiled. "I'm okay. You don't need to worry."  He said softly, careful not to wake the male next to him. Kuro seemed skeptical, but was more or less satisfied, curling up in his lap and purring contently. He plugged in his earphones, not really paying attention to which playlist he picked, only wanting something to block out excess noise, a question burning in the back of his mind. What now? He didn't have a plan, but he didn't want to wing it either. What could he do at this point?

Get a job was something, he supposed. Not much, but a starting point. Were there any nearby places even hiring? He shook his head. Not helping.

But what would help? Rin had no idea. Rin sighed, "This is harder than I thought." He mumbled to himself, causing Kuro to perk up. 'What're you thinking about Rin?' He asked tentatively. "Trying to figure shit out." He responded softly, stroking Kuro's back.

The cat purred warmly, more for Rin's benefit rather than his own. 'Like I said, you'll figure something out. Give it time, take a breath, and heal. You'll work things out.' He said reassuringly. "Thanks." Rin responded.

He hummed along with the song he was listening to, mind on other matters. He supposed Kuro was right, at this point, he needed to put some effort into healing. Try and mend whatever was broken. The pain he felt wasn't going anywhere if he didn't try to heal. He ran a hand along his arm, observing the light scars. He stopped at his finger.

The pale skin was hard to see, but it was there. He observed the knife in the corner of the room, and the spot on his stomach where he'd nearly... stabbed himself. Rin sighed. 'This has to stop.' He reaffirmed.

Rin was pulled out of thought by someone pulling out an earphone. He rolled his eyes. "Good morning to you too, Ren." He said sarcastically. Ren pulled him into an embrace instead of responding. "You okay? You gave me a scare last night." Rin sighed, and snuggled into the hug. "I'll be fine, Renzo." He breathed, using his boyfriend's full name. Ren tightened his hold.

"I know."