AN: This one, while the hardest to write, I feel has the best payoff. I love how this turned out. Self harm and unintentional mental abuse TW. This gets pretty heavy.
Disclaimer: I don't own Blue exorcist
They left the next morning. Rin didn't want to spend another minute in the apartment, so he threw his personal stuff into a bag, grabbed Kuro, and they left at 7am. It kept them from facing Yukio, who text Rin and said he was coming home that day. They ate a quick breakfast and hopped on the first train to Kyoto, leaving nothing but a couple phone messages to the girls so they would actually know where they were.
After waking them up, Rin hadn't said a single word. They were all worried, Bon especially. He considered Rin his best friend, and even if the sentiment wasn't returned he felt personally responsible for helping him out and protecting him if need be. Rin, who was currently curled up in the seat with Kuro on his shoulder, looking out the window, listening to music, and just looked so broken. It was honestly heart wrenching to see this normally energetic, happy person so miserable. Now the desire to make Yukio suffer doubled. "Can I listen?"
Shima's voice pulled Bon away from his rage fueled thoughts. Rin nodded, just barely sparing the pink haired male a glance before slipping out an earphone for the other male. Shima had really matured over the past few years. That mainly consisted of being less perverted, but it was something. They lapsed into silence, the only sound being Rin humming along to the songs on his playlist. It gave Bon a sense of the way his playlist went. "Woah!" Shima suddenly jolted. "What?" He speaks!
Rin turned to Shima, staring at him. "I wasn't expecting Lizzy Hale after 'A thousand years' ya know, Rin-chan." His voice held some humor. Rin didn't look amused. "Yeah, my playlist pretty much goes calming, rock, calming, rock." His voice was, what was the word? Deadpan. That's the word. Deadpan. Under any other circumstances, it would've been funny. Then his expression went from blank, to shock, like he realized something. "Wait, do your parents even know I'm coming with you?"
Bon cringed. It was worse than their families not knowing Rin was coming to Kyoto with them. In all the excitement, they hadn't told them they were coming up. "Seriously. If I pulled that with my old man he would've killed me." Rin expression went from that shock to mild annoyance when he saw the cringe.
"Um... Rin, I don't think they even know we're coming home. You made us leave pretty early." Konekomaru said, smiling weakly. Rin's expression darkened. "Oh, sorry. I just wanted to make sure we wouldn't have to see him. I don't-I can't really be around him right now. He'd only make things worse. He can be pretty nasty when He's angry. And sober." He smiled weakly. "Yukio. Man of Ice. Fitting for someone that can be so cold. Dad said his name was because he was so pale as a baby, I think some force thought he needed a name to suit his personality." Shima slipped an arm around Rin, giving him a little bit of comfort.
"I'd better call Ma. She's gonna have my head when we get there for springing this outta nowhere." Bon said in an effort to lighten the mood. "I can attest to that. Torako-san is brutal." Bon laughed. Rin smiled. It was a start.
Line break
They picked them up at the train station, waiting on the platform for them to arrive. And our poor trio realized something. Yukio had been a drunk. And Bon's dad always reeked of booze. Great. Just fantastic Not only that, but Rin probably didn't want them to know the precise reason he was staying with them. Which led to one awkward conversation. And Rin still didn't seem to want to talk too much. They didn't speak to him directly, so he didn't need to answer. At first they tried to make conversation, but they picked up that he didn't feel like speaking. Then the question came. "So Rin," Kinzou began. "Why are you staying with us in the first place?" Rin shrugged, "Personal stuff. I'd rather not go into the details if that's okay." Kinzou smiled. "That's fine. Can't exactly force you to tell us why. Can we?" Torako smiled. "Well-" "No. No we can't." Bon said, cutting her off.
"Hey Dad." Tatsuma turned around to address his son. "Yeah?" "While we're here, please, lay off the sake." He blinked. "Oh yeah sure." Rin glanced up, his eyes wandering between the father and son before meeting Bon's. 'Thanks', they seemed to say. Bon smiled. 'You're welcome.'
Line break (Renzou POV)
Rin disappeared. Not like, dropped off the face of the planet or anything, but he just shut himself up in the guest room. I thought I was being paranoid when I felt something was wrong, but then Kuro ran up to me, crying and meowing. Okumura Rinhad locked himself in a room by himself, and less than 24 hours prior he attempted suicide. That sentence alone was enough remind me we needed to keep an eye on him. I followed Kuro down to the guest room he was staying in and knocked on his door. "Hey, Rin-chan. Can I come in?" Rin didn't answer. "C'mon Rin. You need to talk about this. I'm seriously getting worried, and Kuro here is freaking out." My voice became more forceful with each word. He still didn't answer. "Why are you being so stubborn? Can't you see we care about you? Is it that hard to realize?" I demanded, hitting the door in frustration. I leaned my forehead against the door, wishing I could walk through it. I heard a small click. "Door's unlocked if you wanna come in that bad."
I opened the door right away. Rin was sitting against the wall, a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. I slid down next to him. Rin averted his eyes. I was suddenly reminded of when everyone was so scared of him because of his relation to Satan. He tried to be happy, but I could see how sad he really was. How broken. Truth be told, I felt like an asshole. Then I saw the fresh cuts on his arms. And he saw that I saw.
He started to move away from me, but I grabbed his left arm. "What the hell, Rin?" I demanded. He tore his arm from my grasp. "What do you think? Don't give me the, 'Do you know how unhealthy that is' talk. I know it's just as bad as that shit Yukio's been drinking but it's the only way I know how to cope." "That's no excuse for hurting yourself. Why would you-I mean-" I let out a groan, my word failing me. I shook my head, my composure returning.
I sighed. "Rin, what's really going on? I can tell it goes deeper than just the drinking." Rin sighed. "Have you ever been constantly compared to something you could just never be? 'Why don't you be more like Yukio?' 'Why don't you follow Yukio's example?' 'Yukio gets so much better grades than you.' 'Yukio' 'Yukio' 'Yukio'." The resentment and bitterness in voice told volumes. "I mean, come on. Did they have any idea how damaging that can be. Nobody ever thought, oh I don't know, 'Hey, maybe he doesn't appreciate being constantly being compared to a boy who never acts like a fucking kid!' I'm not that stupid. I never was that stupid. I know that no normal fucking 10-year-old acts the way he did. But all I ever hear how great he is. How smart, strong, fast, kind, considerate he is. Meanwhile I get the cold, stuck up, merciless monster he really is."
He was crying now. "I was so confused when he started avoiding me. Going out with Dad all the time. How the hell was I supposed to know he was training to be a weapon to fight against demons. I-I can't believe Dad let him go through that. Why the fuck would you put your seven-year-old children through that? I was so lonely and so frustrated with just, everything I would lash out at the other kids because what else could I do? No one ever tried to help me or explain their bullshit so what was I gonna do?" Rin stopped, breathing in a few times. I was shocked. "I-wow. I knew Yukio had been training as exorcist since age seven, and that you didn't know, but I never really considered how that would've affected you." Rin laughed bitterly.
"Yeah. Evidently neither did Dad. I swear I loved him, but I don't I can forgive him for what he did to us. When he died, I was in shock. Everything I'd ever known was out the window. I mean look at me, I'm a fucking mess right now. Honestly, I've been doing this for years." Suddenly I knew what he meant by that. Not just, I've cutting myself for years, but 'I've been dealing with mental abuse from my own family for years.' "Rin? Please don't take this the wrong way, but right now, I kinda hate Fujimoto Shiro. And I'm so sorry I didn't see this sooner." I pulled him into a hug and he sobbed into my shoulder. Fuck you Shiro. You permanently damaged 2 innocent little boys. At least one still turned out okay. No scratch. Rin wasn't okay. He was strong He'd be okay.
AN: FOR ONCE THE ENDING DOESN'T FEEL RUSHED!!!! And what Rin said about Shiro is something a lot of people haven't addressed. Along with the effects of everything on Rin. Honestly it's a well of ideas not many have touched upon. Please review because your comments are how I validate the worth my existence! Ja ne and God bless!
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Fanfiction'To whom it may concern, Rin Okumura is going to commit suicide at 6:30 PM today. Don't try to stop me, I can't do this anymore.' Those were the words Rin intended to go out on. Life, and more importantly, the Kyoto trio had better plans.
