Ruler [Blood Magic, Book 3]

Chapter 43: Trials

I arrived back in the royal chambers too emotionally spent to even slip out of my formal robes. Plunking down in the chair at the desk, I cradled my head in my hands and tried to make sense of everything I'd seen, not only my feelings about it but also about Keel. He held such power now, and he'd overseen death as casually as his father had, as casually as my father had wielded it for him, and he couldn't even argue he'd been under the influence of his beast. That had been him. All him. Until now, I'd only seen small bursts of what it meant to rule a Nosferatu enclave, but tonight had blown that world wide open. If he wanted to, he could be that vampire with me; it didn't just rise with anger, it was something - someone - he could turn on and off. Even after all our time together, weeks spent sleeping next to him, he felt like a stranger all over again. 

But isn't that what he's been telling you, that these parts of him are always there, will always be there? You've been listening but not listening. You're still too busy looking for someone that's gone, or maybe someone that wasn't there in the first place.

Since Keel made his confession in the crypt I'd spent many sleepless days trying to imagine half-human him thinking the horrible things he'd told me he had, and it was near impossible because he'd become so kind, but in the beginning when it was just curiosity and entitlement... well, he'd always been pitch perfect at manipulation and omission.

Yet if his people were once as doubtful of him as I was now, not anymore. In the arena, they'd been cult-like in their devotion. And the way they saw me was changing too; some eyes still held anger, distrust, skepticism, but I'd seen new things in them as well: jealousy and envy. They could see all I'd done for their king and on some primal level - one that went beyond mere bloodlust - they wanted me to do those things for them too. Once there was only the throne to covet, now it was the title and the sorceress.

But none of them would ever be to me what Keel was - even if I wasn't sure what that was myself - that's what they could not understand. Without him there was no me. Literally.

The door swung open and Keel entered in a swish of red, proceeding past me with speed. He set his crown down on the bed and unhooked the clasps on his robe, returning both to the closet where he'd taken to keeping them since I moved in. Or maybe he'd always done that, and I'd just never known. I was questioning everything again.

"You're quiet," Keel said, shutting the closet door.

"That was- You were-" I stuttered, having no idea how to articulate all the conflicted feelings in my head, awe and disgust, an inexplicable attraction and yet also a fear so great I felt frozen by it. I had magic, but Keel had power, on a scale I was having trouble wrapping my brain around.

"A king," he completed simply.

"No, more than that." I stood up and faced him. "You did that without hesitation, without emotion or regret. I don't understand how that's possible."

"Ask your father."

"He hates vampires. I'm asking you."

"Because it is the law, and because it was for you. Those Nosferatu wronged you and our enclave in an unforgivable way; that injustice has now been corrected. If I had not done it, it would have brought dishonour to you, and put ideas into the heads of other insurgents in other compounds."

"Don't make this about me."

"You were the one who was shot."

"You still don't understand."

"Maybe I don't, but I do understand that I will never let anyone lay a hand on you," Keel said. "I won't lie to you, seeing how you were looked at today, some of them may try." He stood up, walked down the bedroom platform, and came to a stop in front of me. His eyes drifted down my robe and then back up to my face before he continued speaking. "But if one should ever get far enough to unwrap you." Reaching out, he began to unclasp the robe's hooks, starting with the one under my chin. Once the opening around my neck was wide enough, he shoved it over my shoulders. It fell to an undignified heap on the floor, revealing my dress and his marks underneath. Keel paused and took them in, seemingly pleased that this is what I'd chosen to wear. Then he lowered himself to one knee, dipped his head forward and kissed each of my scars. "They will discover that you belong to me, and in simply touching your clothing they've condemned themselves to death. And I will rejoice in that death."