Darkness In The Light

Chapter Thirteen ~ Missing Piece

Chapter Thirteen ~ Missing Piece

My legs dragged me home just after the therapy session and my hands tossing and flipping everything until they were on the photo book that contained pictures of my family. I thought I was okay to go back through all the pictures I have of my family without having a mental breakdown. I felt like I just missed them and wasn't really depressed over it much but tears came running down my cheeks. How could have been okay without them? How could one therapy session fill up the missing pieces of my emptiness? My hands slowly flipped through each delicate page as I tried not to rip through the pictures. Waves of laughter and the sound of the tv filled my head but surrounded me was nothing other than silence and the sounds of each page of the photo book flipping. The memories so beautiful yet so agonizing, the beautiful truth of having a family but the devastating reality of loneliness.

I sat on the floor flipping through the photo book for the thirtieth time and before I realized it, the sky was dark. The floor was scattered with small decorations I had pushed off earlier to find these photos. It was a mess but I was in complete chaos. I felt broken from head to toes. My heart filled with regrets. From all the tears that were shed, I felt dehydrated yet I couldn't manage to pick myself up off the floor. In an effort to obtain water, I lethargically dragged myself across the floor then pulling myself up along the walls. My arms felt wobbly as I grasped for support. My stomach growled. I looked over the counter to see that it was midnight. Thoughts of Suho, school, and food suddenly filled my mind but the constant sting on my eyes only reminded me of my family. I reached for my phone in my pocket to see if there were any restaurants still open for delivery. I'm sure there wouldn't be any open at this hour but I had to give it a try because I can't cook in this state. My eyes lightened up the moment I saw my background wallpaper. It was Suho. For a second, his harsh words would come to mind but something about him just never fails to bring a smile to my face. It was the first smile of the day that I could remember. It has been a long day...

I woke up in a daze. The sunlight was shining brighter than ever through the windows. The rays were blinding to the eyes. My head throbbed and ached. Everything seemed to be spinning. I tried to remember how I got to this state. I visited the hospital. I cried. I was dehydrated. I was starving. Suho. Slowly the pieces connected together. Once I realized what had happened, I thought about school because it was usually one of the first things I think about when I wake up. I got up off the floor ignoring the pain that was evident all over my body. I grabbed my bag and was about to head out but I noticed the clock just before opening the door. It was already lunchtime and my stomach growled. I went through the refrigerator to see what I could make. Anything would satisfy my hunger at this point. I turned on the stove and began cooking scrambled eggs. The smoke quickly rising stung my eyes and I quickly withdrew from the stove. I turned off the stove and ran to the restroom to rinse off my face. After a couple of splashes, I lifted up my head to a mirror in front of me. My eyes were red. It must have been all that crying... but I definitely can't be seen like this at school... I sighed. I wanted to go even if I was late, even if it was for an hour or two. I just wanted to see Suho, but I can't let him see me like this either. I went back to making food while being cautious about the smoke. Once I had digested something down my stomach, I finally felt energized but my headache didn't seem to fade a bit. I figured I needed sleep. Maybe that's the way to forget about the pain and to stop thinking about Suho. I rolled in bed and threw the blankets over me. I snuggled in my blankets to find a comfortable position and took in a deep breath before sighing. Finally, I could get some rest.

~Author's Point of View~

Half the school day was already gone. Nothing particular was different with (YourName)'s absence. Students went to class. They took notes. Gossiped. Went on their phone. It was the usual.    Once it was lunch, Suho met up with his group of friends at their usual "hideout".

"You guys want to go to the gym after school?" Kris suggested.

"I kind of want to practice singing and dancing though," Kai replied.

"Let's vote on it," Chen recommended. "For the gym, raise your hand."

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight.

"Singing and dancing?" Chen asked.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.

"Okay so most of you voted twice so I guess we can do both," Chen said.

"How about dancing first, then the gym. After, we can hit up karaoke," Xiumin suggested.

"Don't forget about the food," Chen smiled.

Everyone slightly pushed Chen from both sides, trapping him in the center of the group.

"I thought we were still trying to record that song to post up on youtube," KyungSoo reminded the group.

"We can do that another day. I still need practice," Lay admitted.

"Lay, you can still pull off that song by yourself without any practice," Baekhyun stated.

"Yea, you can," Lay replied.

"Okay okay, this isn't going anywhere. Let's just eat and get some homework done so we don't have to worry about it later. We can do whatever you guys want later," Suho said.

"I can't wait till we don't have homework anymore," Chen whined.

"Wait till you become a star," Xiumin laughed.

"Wait did you guys get all the notes in history class?" Sehun asked.

"Cause he fell asleep," Baekhyun chuckled. "I tried to wake him up."

"His lectures are always boring. I can't help it, but I did manage to not fall asleep within the first five minutes of his lecture this time," Sehun replied.

"Here," KyungSoo said as he offered his organized notebook.

"Good," Suho muttered under his breath. "I'm so glad there's someone out of all of us who actually gets things done. How could I have managed them without KyungSoo's help?" he thought to himself.

"I knew I can always count on you," Sehun said with a smile as he received the notebook.

Everyone started writing, whether it was copying notes or doing their homework. They ate and wrote until lunch was over.

"I'll meet you guys after school. I'm going to head to class first," Suho said. "Don't fall asleep again Sehun. Whoever has a class with him, make sure he's awake."

~Suho's point of View~

Something feels a little off. Am I missing something? My phone? No, I have it. My keys? It's here. My textbook? It's here. Oh well. Whatever it is, it's probably not important. I went into the classroom early and took a seat. I went up to ask the professor a few questions then sat back down. Next to me was a girl. She looked familiar. I thought I knew her yet I didn't know her name. I turned over and looked for a split second then back on my paper in front of me. (YourName)'s friend. She was one of the few I saw pushing (YourName) until they all fell. I chuckled to myself as I thought about that incident. How silly. I kept thinking about it even when class started. I remember (YourName)'s figure from the back as they pushed while she tried to push back. Then they all fell and she got hurt. I rushed to attend to her wounds. She stood there in front of me as I checked if her head was bleeding or not. I had almost held her.

Wait.

What was I just doing? Was I just thinking about her? Ugh. I hate how she resembles KyungHee.

"She's not KyungHee, Suho," I kept repeating to myself in my head.

"This is a poster project done by (YourName), my former student from last year. I loved her motivation to learn. She was in one of my other classes but she always stopped by to learn about psychology. She had questions every day and so I asked her to do this project so she could find the answers she was looking for. It was a challenge. And it doesn't make sense to you guys right now because a professor should be teaching right? But in psychology, there's no one right perspective to think about something. And because of this subjective aspect of the human cognition, I would like you all to go heads on with this project without my subjective viewpoint. I'm excited to see how you all would incorporate psychology into answering your daily questions about you or someone you know," the professor said.

...To Be Continued