Love's A Drug 》Eddie X Reader《

rhiza's diary 1️⃣

Dear Diary,
I found this under my bed and decided to write something in here. I haven't kept you posted because I feel like my emotions and depression disappeared but they truely didn't. Lately I've been feeling, alone? I have an amazing boyfriend and great friends but I don't spend all my time with them, but most of it. In those times I'm not with them I feel like half of me is missing and the half I'm left with is the old me. I think the fact is I still miss V. We were so closed and then it all disappeared like gone. I feel like I'm in the times when I dated Henry, but I'm not as scared because I know Richie would never put a hand on me or yell at me. I love him, I fell into this hole and it's empty apart from my boyfriend and friends. I've gotten back into guitar to help deal with things but that only takes up 20% of my time.

Everything looks better when I'm alone with my friends and I look into the sky with them and I feel at home. I'm still waiting to tell them about the way I live but I think I'm not ready, or am I. I have so much on my chest but I'm to weak to take it off.

Back to Henry. I see him pretty much everyday and he stares at me in places that make me want to punch him square in the face but if I get suspended my mum will kill me. She's still doing drugs and I still have no idea where dad goes everyday. I see him for 5 minutes tops every week. I think he's seeing another woman. Elijah pops in as much as he can. We're hoping he can take custody of me. I'm beginning to lose a lot of weight because I've started smoking and drinking and it makes me lose my appetite. I still don't cut because I can't stand pain, but at same time all I want to do at times is die. I want it quick, I might OD if it gets to much, but not at the moment. I might wait, but for now. This Rhiza signing off.

A/N
this is something I've never done before and it's honestly scary because I'm sharing all my feelings with you guys. If you didn't know Rhiza is based off of myself and the way I am. I currently don't have a boyfriend, but I'm crushing on someone in my class. Awkward, I know. It's weird seeing him almost everyday plus we have a Snapchat streak. I'm writing this on the bus and he's three seats in front of me and on the other side. That's accurate. I'm such a stalker I know.

Anyways,

Byers x

-Rhiannon