The Everyday Adventures of Sam and Megan (GirlxGirl)

The Morning After [S2:E7]

"I can't tell you what to do, or how to live your life," I started. "But fuck, Mariah, sometimes you need the blunt truth."

I could feel her eyes on me now, so I looked at her.

"There were plenty of times I could've died back when I was in high school," I revealed. "If not for drinking too much, then the drugs I was doing."

Her face indicated she hadn't predicted my response.

"I was searching for something to fill the void my mother had left." The air left my lungs at the revelation. "And no matter how hard I searched, it didn't heal until I started healing myself."

Mariah rolled her eyes, but I knew it was because she was trying to hide the fact that there were tears on her water line. Her hand that held her cigarette trembled, threatening to drop it out the window. She took a shaky drag and exhaled.

"It's not as easy as it sounds," she replied.

"I know." I sighed. "I know it's not, but you're not alone, Mariah."

She finished her cigarette and flicked it's remains out the window. I realized I had stopped smoking mine halfway and dropped it as well.

Then she rubbed her eyes and grabbed her stuff. "Thanks for the ride. I owe you."

And she exited my car without another word.

I watched her get into her car and drive out the parking lot, leaving me confused on how I had done this to the people that loved me all those years ago. I could only imagine how worried they had been about me all the time. Especially Shawn.

~ Flashback ~

As I paced through the upstairs hallway of the house, it felt as if life was moving in slow motion. If I had known that the Xanax would make me feel like time was moving backwards, I wouldn't have taken it.

Guess it was too late now.

I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket, but by the time I could get it out, I had already missed it.

Shawn – one missed call.

Shit.

I leaned against the wall and focused on the bass rattling the frame of the house. I didn't even know where I was, which wouldn't be a big deal if I had just stuck to drinking. But Ross was here, and his friends offered me something to "take the edge off". Fuck, I was so screwed.

The only good thing about this drug was the fact that it was tough to find the will to panic. Everything just felt so... neutral. Like nothing really mattered. And since it made you feel like nothing mattered, even the thought of dying didn't really scare me.

But I needed to get home. It was two in the morning, Shawn was still awake, probably worried sick. I shouldn't be doing this to him.

Yet, I couldn't stop.

I stumbled downstairs and focused on my breathing. I had heard if you mixed alcohol with Xan than it was possible to stop breathing altogether. So, in order to not die, that's all I had to do. Focus on breathing.

In, out. In... out.

I found my keys lying somewhere on a table by the front door, and decided I needed to get the hell out of here. Ross would understand. He'd probably be mad I was about to drive, but oh well. Shawn's house wasn't far.

But when I walked outside, there were two guys sitting on the porch, one of them I recognized because Ross had introduced me earlier. Bad thing was, I couldn't remember his name.