I Do / S.M/ ( sequel to Strings) *On Hold*

Chapter 7 Dances

 "I do," I say and twirl her in a circle. "Sing along then! You are a singer."  She exclaims. I  laugh a little and sing along as I get my phone out my pocket to Snapchat Zoë. "We can go now if you want," Skye says looking up at me. "I want to go watch movies now." She exclaims walking toward the doors of the gym. I laugh at her abruptness and follow after. 

"You want to get some cupcakes on the way home?" I ask as we leave the gym and walk out to the parking lot. I grit my teeth trying to ignore the cold. "Sure," Skye says and skips to the car and waits at the back door for me to unlock it.  

Over cupcakes, Skye rattles off what she's been doing the last few months. "I had a hockey game last week... we didn't win though." She frowns and takes a bite of her cupcake and has frosting on her nose which makes me giggle. "Here you got frosting on your face. "Where?" She asks making faces  before crossing her eyes and seeing it and tries to lick it off the tip of her nose (which she surprisingly accomplishes) "Did I get it?" She asks feeling her face. "You did." "So mommy said your a singer and that's why your gone all the time, is that also why the guys with cameras come to my school?" She asks innocently.  "Guys with cameras?" I ask nervously. She nods. "Katie said they were for me cause your famous." She says and picks up her water glass with both hands and takes a long sip, her eyes not leaving my face. "I'm not famous honey okay? She furrows her eyebrows. "But.. you're on TV and stuff." She looks at me with a confused expression.  

"I'm just..."

 I'm at a loss for words. "Have these guys approached you?" I ask cautiously. She shakes her head. "No, but I see them through the fence of the playground." She explains. "Promise me something? She nods her eyes wide.  "If they approach you don't talk to them." She takes another bite of her cupcake and chews thoroughly. "Why not?"

"Stranger danger."  She raises her eyebrows. "Huh?" "Don't talk to strangers because they could be dangerous. " I explain as I get out my wallet. "Oh, I won't!" She smiles and looks around the restaurant. 

"All done?" 

"Yep." 

"Let me just pay and then we can go home."

"Can we watch Beauty and the Beast?"

"Of course."  She beams and pushes her chair back and jumps down. "Can we go now?" 

 "Yep." She trots over to the door making me smile. Little moments like this matter the most since I'm not around her every day.  "Are we home yet?" Skye asks as we pull away. "No silly we just left." I joke. "Can we listen to your music?" She asks and straightens up in her car seat to see me looking at her through the rearview. "Sure." I scroll go through my Spotify as we hit the red light only for the sound of my younger self to flows through the speakers. "What song is this?" 

"Life of the Party," I reply. "It sounds sad," Skye says. "It's not really," 

"Can we hear a different one?" She asks. "Which one? I ask as I merge into the turn lane. "The one you wrote about mommy." I raise an eyebrow. "Which one is that?"  I wrack my head trying to think of what she's talking about.  "The one about strings?" She looks at me through the rereview. 

"Ohhh yeah hang on." I scroll through the list and click on the song. Listening to it I think about Zoë and I's road trip and going to Disneyland and us finally sorting out our feelings for each other, I feel like that version of us was so long ago. We don't have that spark like we used to, now that we have Skye and  Zoë going to school and then me being away, I wish we could get back to that time, but that seems unlikely.   I park the car and turn the key and listen to the rest of the song suck up my emotions and get Skye in the house. "Beauty and the Beast?" She asks. "Sure I'll put it in you go get your pajamas on alright?" She nods excitedly and runs upstairs. "I got blankets!" Skye says. I glance over at her and laugh seeing Skye wrapped in three blankets as she waddles over to the couch. I click play on the movie as she drops down on the couch and lays on my lap before I can think of stretching out. "Does daddy get a blanket or no?" 

"Oh!" She gets up and nods at the Frozen blanket around her, "This one, I want to keep these two." She says. I roll my eyes laughing and take the blanket. "You look like a little burrito," I say. "It's very cozy in here." She says and returns back to my lap.  Twenty minutes into the movie she's fast asleep."How was the dance?" Zoë asks. "Good Skye had a great time." I look down at where she's asleep in my lap. "Good she was so excited about going and was bummed when she thought you couldn't go,"   Zoë says and sits next to me on the couch and gently places Skye's legs over her lap before resting her head on my shoulder. 

"How's college?"  

"Great I'm taking Sociology which is really interesting and I'm good friends with one of my classmates."  She says. "Do you know what you want to study?" She shakes her head. "No.." "Your thinking about something.." I glance over at her noticing a look of worry creeping into her eyes. "It's nothing its just.. my  friend from class Beck doesn't know about me, were really close and I'm hiding this huge secret from him and I feel bad about it because I think he might like me."

"You think he hasn't seen us on Twitter or something?" I ask. "That's the thing I don't want to ask him but when I see him it's never the right time to be like, hey I'm engaged and have a kid, you know?"  I nod thoughtfully. "You're not the average college kid I'll give you that." She chuckles at this. "I wish I was sometimes though, between school and  taking care of Skye I'm stressed out and I feel like I'm a bad parent compared to her friend's moms who stay at home and..."  She looks down at Skye sleeping and stops talking. "Don't knock yourself down Zo your doing great with everything you're doing and I'm so proud of you and-" 

"Wish you were here more often." She finishes. "Yeah but I'll be done with everything before Christmas so I'll be home all the time." 

"Then you'll get ready to tour next year." She says sadly. I want to say that I can't control when I'm gone and that she knew this when we started dating, but I don't want to start a fight so I stay quiet. "I can take her up to bed it's past her bedtime anyway." She says nudging Skye. "Ok." She looks at me for a moment before picking Skye up off my lap and going upstairs.  I get some water and look out the window wondering how I could possibly slow my schedule down to be here more but unfortunately, I can't and that sucks.

  With no solution, I go upstairs to our room and change before settling into our overly soft bed.  Zoë walks into the room but doesn't turn to look at me. "Did I... do something wrong?" I ask. She turns her eyes have a fire in them. "I mean not being a parent to your six-year-old, yes tonight was the exception but do you know how much that little girl looks up to you? But you're never around to notice."  I blink taken aback by her anger. "I can't control that, but when I am here I'm with her, she loved the dance tonight and I wish  we could have more moments like that and-"

"Wish is your word of choice huh? Make it a reality Shawn okay? Don't leave me picking up the slack."  She whisper yells before stopping her eyes on me and a look of guilt paints her face.   "I'm sorry for dumping everything on you I just...."   Her voice falters. "It's not your fault it's okay," I assure her.   She flops down on the bed and rolls over and is silent. 

"Zo?"

 "Goodnight Shawn." She says softly.   I sigh  the guilt building in my chest, "Night, I love you." But it sounds more nervous than sincere. "Do you really?" She says sadly and I feel a little worse than I already did.  I  look at her outline in the darkness before turning my back to her and trying to will myself to sleep but all that's on my mind is the thought of Zoë leaving me and that hurts the most.