Defeated

~Chapter 10~

By the look on his face, I can tell he has no clue as to what I'm on about.

"Okay forget what i said about simplifying. You'll learn that later I guess. But do you understand everything else?"

He shakes his head. I help him with everything else he doesn't understand. And then I give him homework that his mother is supposed to mark.

After the session, I take a taxi home.

I almost text Alex, but then I remember we aren't talking because he needs 'time'.
Such bullshit.

Now I'm angry again. I still don't understand what he needs time for.

Daniel texts me again.

Daniel: Hey. Uhm so my friend, Tasha wants to talk to you. She's Alex's ex.

I start to panic.

Savannah: Why? About what?

Daniel: I don't know. She says she wants to tell you how Alex really is.

Savannah: uhm okay..but not now. I don't wanna hear it right now.

Daniel: Of course. She says you can go to her whenever you're ready to.

Why now? Do I really want to find out.
How Alex really is.
What does that even mean? Doesn't sound good.

So I'm good, really. I don't want to know. Whatever mistakes he made in his past doesn't mean he will repeat them.
He doesn't go around talking to my exes so I shouldn't be doing that. That wouldn't be right.

He will tell me anything that he feels i should know.

...

It's Thursday afternoon and you know what? I'm sick of this not talking thing. I wanna talk to him.

So I text him 'Hey'. Hopefully we'll be able to talk . I mean, it's been 4 days. What is this?

An hour later, he ignored the text. Wow.

I text again.

Nana: Are you seriously gonna ignore me the whole time?

He actually answers this time.

Buba: I'm not ignoring you.

Nana: Well you were kinda not talking to me for the past few days.

Buba: I told you, I'm thinking.

Nana: Can we not just let all of this go though? What do you actually want me to do Alex?

He takes a while to type.

After like 5 damn years he answers.

Buba: I don't think you understand how this feels for me. To me, this looks like you went to dig up information about me. It's like you just go around asking people for bad things about me. Whether they are true or not and then it causes problems between us. I don't go around asking random people to give me dirt on you. I have heard so many rumours about you, but I don't believe them for a second. I trust you. I really have feelings for you. Strong feelings. Just because I am taking time to think about all of this does not mean that this is the end of us. It's most definitely not. I just need to think about all of this shit. All the shit you heard about me and all the shit I heard about you. All these rumours aren't ever gonna stop. I just don't want them to come in between us. I really love spending time with you, you make me really happy. So just give me some time and you also should take some time. I'm not gonna take a million years. I just need to figure some shit out. I don't even know how to explain how I feel. I hope you understand and can breathe in and out now.

Hmm..agghh Yeah I suppose. I still don't like it.

Nana: Okay uhm..I'm so sorry about everything though... don't look at it like I was digging up info. I swear I wasn't. But I see your point. Obviously I do not know exactly how you feel but I know that I was wrong. Uhm...I will give you your time, you'll tell me whenever you're ready.

Buba: Thanks nana.

...

So about two days have passed now since that conversation with Alex. I really miss him. But I just have to give him what he wants.

So I'm going to this Navy festival with my friend, Amber.

It's pretty lame actually, but everyone is here. Literally everyone from my school, everyone from Alex's school, other schools, varsity kids and parents. Just everyone.

Maybe it's not interesting to me because I've seen all of this before. My dad's in the Navy, he's a Chaplain so. Yeah he prays for people and councils and all that.
So I go to his work place sometimes and so this is all just whatever. I've seen it all.
But it's good to just get some fresh air and a distraction with my girl.

...

Sunday. Guess what I'm seeing now. So it's after church and I'm walking out with my sisters and dad, he came to visit and he's leaving later today, and then I look up and see Alex.

My heart is racing. I can't say anything to him because I'm with my dad. He would trip if he knew I have a boyfriend.
Luckily Alex knows this and doesn't say anything.

He just keeps staring at me and smiling and checking me out.

Katelyn, "What's up with that guy looking at you like he got something to say?"

"What? Him? Nah girl. I don't know," my tone sounds pretty damn convincing to me.

That sucks though. I wanted to run into his arms and kiss him. But yet, I had to pretend like I didn't know him.

...

Monday. I wake up to a text from ALEX!!!!!! FINALLY!

Buba: Hey nana

Nana: Hey...

Buba: Finally saw your dad..

Nana: Oh yes when I saw you and your friend. He left already. Were you going to the festival?

Buba: Yeah because Saturday we got there late so we missed out.

Nana: Did you have fun?

Buba: No not really.

Nana: Same...but why?

Buba: Just super tired I guess from the previous night. I was in some place and only got home at like 5 a.m.

Nana: Oh my gosh. You party hard hey..

Buba: I wasn't partying, there was no transport home.

Why are we talking like nothing happened? I'm so confused.

Nana: I'm so glad you're okay though. You should get some rest Alex.
I'm surprised you're talking to me today..

Buba: I missed you

Nana: I missed you

Buba: I'm okay now nana I know that I can't not have you in my life.

My heart is jumping out of my body.

Nana: That is good to hear. I feel the same way buba.
Are we okay now?

Buba: Yes we are. I still need to explain the whole thing to you.

Nana: When?

Buba: Whenever you're free.

So we decide to meet up on Thursday. I'm excited to see him. I have missed him a lot.
.....

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