Fell For The Drummer (Lashton)

Friends

Luke's POV

Being gay is a new thing to me. Well, admitting it to myself is new. I was never homophobic or anything, and my parents always supported my cousin who was lesbian. But still, supporting someone who is gay and being gay yourself is really different. Honestly, it's terrifying. I'm not even sure I'm completely gay either, because I'm still attracted to some women. But that kiss with Ashton......

I've tried avoiding him, but that's almost impossible in a band where you're together every minute and living out of each other's suitcases. I push the feeling of his lips on mine to the back of my head and try to go on with life. A few months go by avoiding Ashton, and if the other boys notice they don't say anything. In theory avoiding him isn't a problem, just don't end up in a room with him alone and try not to sit next to him as much as possible. But when it actually happens, it kills me. He's my best friend in the band, and I'm used to constant cuddles and talking every day. Stupid feelings.

Ashton hasn't said anything more about 'Emily,' except that 'I used to text her a lot but then something happened and we don't text very much anymore.' Which I guess I'm grateful for. If Ashton has to like someone other than me, I'm glad that he doesn't get to talk to her very much.

After three months of not talking, looking, or sitting next to Ashton, I'm miserable. I keep telling myself it's for the best, that we're both better off this way. And I keep thinking that until one day in the hotel in Paris. I'm sitting in my room watching Orange Is The New Black on my laptop, when I hear a knock on the door. I jump up, figuring its Michael, because he was planning on coming over to play Xbox. The knocking comes again while I'm hopping into a pair of joggers, just in case it's housekeeping or something. They probably wouldn't appreciate a teenage boy coming to the door in just boxers.

"Coming!" I yell when the person at the door again, getting my joggers on and opening the door.

"Hey Mi-" I stop short when I realize who's at the door.

"Ah, hi Luke."

I stutter out a "hello" and just stand there staring at Ashton. He's fucking beautiful, of course. What with the whole don't-look-at-Ashton-whatever-you-do thing, I've barely seen his face in three months. He's grown a bit of stubble (oh god that hot), his hair is longer, and his fingers are twiddling with a shirt full of holes.

Is he trying to kill me or something?

"Um, so can I talk to you for a minute?"

All I can do is nod shakily and step back a few steps to let him in. When did I become so shy around him? He's my best friend for gods sake.

I turn to see Ashton standing awkwardly in the middle of my room, not sure if he should sit. I gesture to the bed that I didn't sleep in last night, and he sits down, seeming relieved. I sit with my legs crossed on the other bed, staring into my lap and waiting for him to say something.

"Um, so I was just gonna say that I miss you. Like even after, um, the... thing that happened a few months ago, I wanted to tell you that I-"

"Just want to be friends." It feels better coming from my mouth than I know it would from his. "Yeah that's what I want too."

"Well actually I-"

"No, it's fine Ash. I just want to go back to being friends, okay?" I stare at him, eyes pleading not to make this harder than it needs to be.

"Um, okay, yeah sure. Friends?" He doesn't seem very sure. He was probably coming to tell me we can never talk again. Maybe I actually did something good here.

"Yeah, friends." I give him a small smile, which he returns. He stands up and heads to the door, but hesitates in the doorway.

"Luke I just....." he starts to say and then trails off. "Um, never mind."

He walks out the door and closes it softly behind him. I collapse onto my bed, letting out a long sigh. After a few minutes I text Michael to tell him I don't feel up to Xbox anymore and curl up up my bed.

Why did he seem so unsure of the 'let's just be friends' thing? Isn't that what he came to talk to me about?