It's Been A Long Time

Chapter 9: Love and the Probability of Dying

(I switched the chapter titles of 12 and 14 because they fit better this way- sorry for any confusion!)

Taziana's heart pounded in her ears as she "calmly" made her way to the training room

"Stay calm, Tazi. Act like nothing's wrong." She thought over and over in her head as she opened the thin metal door to where she would find her five year long best friend. 

Currently, everyone else would be in the mess hall eating their skimpy rations slowly, but he would've be in and out in three minutes, back to the only three things that had kept him sane in the five long years they had been trapped underground for; reading, writing, and sword fighting. 

As fast as lightning, as soon as Taziana opened the door, she bolted to the other end of the room, grabbed a sword off of the rack and proceeded to parry his oncoming strike. They were both well accustomed to a spontaneous sword fight (one of the only things "Bloodriena" allowed them to do without supervision- if you ended up hurting or killing your opponent [it happened] you'd be put into the arena which was incentive enough not to kill anyone) and neither were caught off guard when a flurry of expert moves confronted one another. After a few minutes of dancing back and forth, Tazi secured the upper hand, and swung her leg under his, sweeping him off of his feet so he landed with a groan on his back. She smiled and she pressed her sword to his chest. 

"I win, again." She said, standing up and stretching out her arm to help him up. He took it and she yanked him to his feet.

"Yeah, whatever, you just caught me at a bad time. I was tired, I'd been practicing for a while before you burst in."

"Yeah right. Someone's a sore loser." She laughed, but could feel the hollow emptiness of it as she remembered what  she had come here to say.

As if he could recognize it too, Ethan frowned, "What is it, Tazi?" 

She sighed and looked down, knowing all too well the hard truth of what was about to come out of her mouth. 

"Hey," He said, gently, "You know you can tell me anything." 

Taking her sword out of her hands and placing it on the ground along with his, Ethan took her hands in his. 

"Tell me, Tazi." 

She looked him in the eye, begging him to understand,

"What I'm about to tell you is nothing you're going to want to hear."

"What is it?"

"To start, this is probably going to end in me dying." 

---

An hour later, when the majority of people were making their way back to their assigned sleeping corridors, she had finished explaining everything and they both sat on the floor of the arena with tears streaking their faces. 

"So let me get this straight," Ethan choked, his voice raspy from the silent tears. 

"You and Indra are going to form a fake rebellion, blame it on you, just to get yourself thrown into the pit. And then you are going to try to make a deal with Bloodriena that if you win, she has to make you second in command, all to see if there is any of Octavia left?!" 

Taziana nodded sadly.

"You do realize that there are a million different ways that that plan can go wrong?!" 

"I know, Ethan." 

"But do you, Tazi?" His voice was an octave higher than normal and incredulous.

 "First off, you could start a real rebellion, which you'd be in a whole deeper level of shit for, or she could catch wind of this beforehand and send you to the pit without you making the deal, or she could not take your deal and you'd be screwed because she'd never trust you again, or YOU COULD ACTUALLY DIE DOING ALL OF THOSE THINGS AND MORE, INCLUDING FIGHTING IN THE PIT WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE YEARS OLDER THAN YOU AND HAVE TWICE AS MUCH EXPERIENCE!!!!" 

He was shouting now, his voice breaking along with her heart. 

"And, god forbid, you actually make it through this horrific plan and she takes your deal, the Tazi that I know will be destroyed and replaced with a stranger, a-a murder! Hell, she could turn you into something far worse than a murder! We don't even know what she can do or will do!" 

It broke Taziana's heart to hear him talk about Octavia like she was a lost cause, even though a small, nagging, part of her brain wondered if it was true. 

"I know, but I have to try, I have to see if the Octavia I know and love is still there. And if I have to sacrifice myself, or at least the me people know, to help her shoulder the burden and not lose herself then that's fine by me!" The last sentence brought tears to her eyes. 

"But it's not fine by me!" Ethan shouted back, "You don't understand, Taziana!" 

She looked at him, a little shocked. He never used her full name. 

"It may be easy for you because it's you you are sacrificing, but I can't do it! I can't lose you too!" 

The final words hung in the air between them, unspeakable, yet spoken. 

He was on his knees, sobbing, the volume of which Tazi had not seen since the weeks following his dad's death in Praimfaya. She knelt down beside him, softly, and took his face in her hands, wiping away the tears as she spoke. 

"I'm scared, too. I don't want to lose you either. Which is why I need you to agree with me, to help me in knowing that this is the right choice. Because..." 

She was crying now too, years of suppressed emotion running down her cheeks in rivulets. 

"Because, to hell with "Love is weakness"! Love equals trust. I trust you, Ethan, and...and I love you."

For a moment, time stood still, both of them gazing into each other's eyes through the tears. 

Then, Ethan pulled her into a forceful hug and kissed her. 

The kiss was sweet and salty from tears. It was full of love, trust, hope, and longing. It said words never spoken aloud and captured moments deemed uncapturable by the rest of the world. It made Tazi wanted to stay in his arms with his lips on hers forever. He pulled back and looked her in her eyes, cheeks tinted just the tiniest bit red, 

"I love you too, Tazi." 

She smiled at him, her face breaking through the tears. 

"And I trust you. If you are serious, if you need to do this because of whatever superhuman- Octavia-reading ability you have,"

The last comment earned a weak chuckle from her. 

"Then I am with you and I support you. And whatever the outcome, know that I am here for you." 

He pulled her into another hug and she melted into his arms as if she was meant to be there. In his ear she whispered the truest words she'd ever spoken.

"Thank you, I love you, and I won't let you down."

Did I just update within 24 hours? I'm in shock.

Weellllll, that was soooooooooo hard to write. I was a mess after their last scene and I literally couldn't write this until an hour after! I hope her plan makes more sense now and it will be completed in the next chapter, then back to now-a-days Bellarke because the world isn't going to be going great for them either. I hope you enjoyed and keep reading! (Sorry if the chapters feel disjointed, it'll all come together soon!)

Ps. I hate the hiatus! 

-RavenReyes0G