Secrets (Zayn Malik)

Chapter 43

"She means everything actually. She means more than any fucking thing in this world to me." I snap, and keep my head down to hide the tears welling in my eyes. A strand of black hair falls against my forehead and all I can think of is how she would brush it away, or run her fingers through my hair to put it back in place.

"Now," I brush my hair back and glare up at him. "Is my offer valid or not?"

"Anyone would gladly take that off Zayn, you're being generous. Okay sure, 10,000 pounds and you bring me the girl." He holds his hand out to me, but I hesitate remembering one vital question.

"How long?"

"I'll give you a week." He puts his hand down as he stands from the desk, and leans close to my ear. "That should give you enough time for goodbyes hmm?"

I pick at a loose thread in my jeans, listening to his heavy footsteps approach the door behind me. The door creaks open, and the music from downstairs fills the stuffy room.

"I'll see you soon Zayn, very soon."

I storm out the door, keeping my eyes glued to the concrete as people watch me quietly.

Ella's POV

"I know a list of people you can talk to about her, that is if, by now you're aware of her past." He scrolls through his phone casually, while I wince at his choice of words.

"I'm highly aware, thank you."

"Okay, well there's a man named David. Of course he's not your average man working a nine to five job. He was her-"

"I get it." I interrupt, holding my hand up to silence him.

"I'll write his number down for you, and also there's a woman named Gelise. She," he purses his lips, searching for the right words. "Worked with your mom."

"Wonderful." I mumble, and I grab my drink; tossing the rest of the liquid back, letting it burn my throat.

He pulls a pen from his pocket, and scribbles the name and numbers onto the crumbled paper. He slides it across the table to me, but a large firm hand, covered in tattoos, grabs it before I can.

"Really James?" Zayn asks, gripping the napkin in his hand.

"Yes really, I'm actually helping your girlfriend find her mother. Symbolically speaking." He shrugs, smiling up at the beautiful man covered in ink.

He turns to me, and the dim lighting is enough for me to see his eyes are watery.

"Zayn, are you-"

"I'm fine." He cuts me off, staring off into the distance.

"Babe, I-"

"I said I'm fine, can we go? Are you guys done?" He snaps, flinching his hand away when I reach out to him.

James stays quiet, watching us intently. There's unnecessary tension between us, and I'm left wondering what the hell happened to him in there that is making him treat me this way. It reminds me of the day we first broke up, over that stupid fucking party.

Only 4 weeks ago..

Longest fucking 4 weeks of my life.

"Yeah, let's go." I mumble, wrapping my jacket around me and buttoning it closed. "Thank you James for your help, I appreciate it."

"No problem love, it's the least I could do." He smiles warmly, as he folds his hands on the table. "I'll see you around Zayn."

"Yeah." He whispers, and reaches for my hand but I coil away quickly. His eyes meet mine, and I cant see him. I can't see or tell what he's thinking. Usually when you can see straight through a person, it's because they're feelings are plastered on their face.

And you just know.

But he's mastered the art of disguise and shutting me out. His normally warm brown eyes are now dim and uninviting. He's keeping secrets from me, but I don't dare question it. I simply remind myself that he loves me, and leave it at that. When I look at him, I see empty eyes, and the fire he obtains is extinguished.

I'm staring at a blank page.

"Let's go." I break the silence and begin my walk down the seemingly endless hallway. I feel his eyes burning the back of my head, but ignore him.

A freezing gust of wind hits my face, blowing my hair back as I force the heavy metal door open. Zayn steps out behind me, and walks toward the street without bothering to give me so much as a glance.

--

He walks me to the door of my dorm, and stands by quietly as I unlock it. As I push it open, I turn to him; frustrated.

"Can I ask you something?"

"I'd rather you not, but sure go ahead." He shrugs, stuffing his hands in the leather pockets of his jacket.

"What are you hiding from me?"

I watch his face, his eyes grow wide and his lips part a bit as he becomes nervous at my question.

"I'm not hiding anything." He lies, and I'm hurt that he would think I don't deserve the truth.

"You're lying to me too? Zayn, less than three hours ago I had sex with you on that bed," I point behind me. "Now you're treating me so cold, and I know I did nothing wrong but still; you're hiding."

"I've told you about this job and that it's secrets. It's all about secrets. I can't share them with you." He finally says more than five words to me, ever since the bar.

"Do you trust me?" I ask, placing my finger under his chin to keep him from staring at the carpet between us, and look at me.

"Yes."

"Fine." I drop the subject, deciding to leave it for a later time, a more appropriate time. "I'll see you tomorrow then, after class because I've missed too many lectures."

He nods, but grabs my hand as I turn to walk inside.

"You know I love you right?" He asks, gently entwining our hands. "More than anything?"

I smile wide, so happy to hear those simple words again and not deal with those unsaid.

"Yes, and I love you." He sighs in relief, and bring me close to him. His chin rests on my head, and I can feel his heart racing.

He kisses my forehead, then deciding to kiss my cheek and lastly my lips. Our lips connected feels so familiar, so comfortable and I would do anything to feel this way all the time.

"Goodnight Ella." He pulls away, letting go of my hand.

"Goodnight Zayn." I whisper, and watch him as he heads down the hallway.