Still the One (Book 2 in the Four of Us Trilogy)

42 | Let It Go

"It was, Ms. Cross. If that bat had hit him just a couple centimeters lower, it could've killed him instantly. If it had hit him any harder, he could've gotten a brain bleed, which could cause brain damage or even a stroke. He is extremely lucky to have gotten away with a grade three concussion," Dr. Crawford explained.

As I looked down at him now, I tried to imagine what my life would be without him. I knew I'd survive – I'd make it. But it would just be like merely breathing and not really living.

I smoothed his hair off his forehead and ran my hand down his stubbly cheek. He stirred and his eyelids fluttered open.

"Hi baby," I murmured. "You feeling better?"

"Much. Thank you for the massage," he said. "Sorry I fell asleep."

"You don't have to apologize, sweetheart."

"Are we almost home?" he asked, sitting up.

"We're about twenty minutes away," Luke said, glancing in the rearview mirror.

"Awesome," I said. "I'm ready to sleep in my own bed."

"Me too," Miles agreed, yawning.

"Yeah," Luke grumbled. "Great."

I reached up and squeezed his shoulder. "I know you aren't looking forward to talking to Jessica."

He shook his head. "You're right. I'm not. You think she'll want to come over tonight?"

I shook my head. "It's almost ten. She's probably asleep. You guys can talk tomorrow after class."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, three more weeks of two classes with her. That's not gonna be awkward at all," he said sarcastically.

"It'll be okay, Luke," Miles said. "She's a rational girl; she'll understand."

"She will. And don't you think she's seen this coming, even a little?" I asked.

He considered this. "Maybe so." He changed lanes and got off the interstate. In a few minutes, we were pulling up at our apartment.

"Oh damn," I breathed when I saw Jessica's car in a visitor's spot in front of the apartment building.

"What?" Miles and Luke asked at the same time.

"Um, Jessica's here," I said, swallowing.

"Oh, for fuck's sake. I have to do this now?" Luke groaned, pulling into his usual spot.

"Yeah, it looks that way," I said. "You can't see her and just let her think everything is okay. That would be cruel."

"I know, I know. I would never do that. I just wasn't prepared to have this conversation at this moment," Luke said, running both his hands through his hair and letting his breath out in a low whoosh.

"Want us to hang out here?" Miles asked sleepily.

"No, no. You need to get some sleep, and I'd rather someone be up there with me afterward," Luke said.

"Okay then, let's go," I said, opening the door and crawling out, picking our bags out of the back and jerking them out of his reach when Miles tried to take them from me.

Jessica

The doorknob turned and I jumped off the couch, eager to see Luke.

Miles and Rachel came through first, and I was alarmed when I saw a bandage around the crown of Miles' head.

"My God, what happened to you?" I asked.

"Oh God, we didn't get a chance to tell you," Rachel said. "Iris showed up on the beach on Thanksgiving and knocked Miles out with a baseball bat."

"What?" I exclaimed. "How could you not tell me that?!" I glanced at Luke, who had an expression on his face that I couldn't read.

"I'm sorry, things just got really crazy," Rachel apologized.

Miles cleared his throat. "I am concussed, so – uh – I need to get some sleep. Good to see you, Jessica," he said, grabbing Rachel's hand and pulling her down the hallway.

"Goodnight," I said, waving after them.

Luke and I were left alone, and I stepped toward him to give him a kiss. He turned his face slightly so my lips landed on his cheek.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my feelings a little hurt.

"Jess, sit down. We need to talk," he said, and my heart sank.

I sat down on the couch and he sat next to me. "What's going on, Luke?"

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I – oh, Jesus. This is so hard for me to say," he murmured, and I could tell he was conflicted.

"You're breaking up with me, aren't you?" I whispered, my voice cracking.

His hazel eyes met mine, and I knew I was right. "Jessica – "

"It's her, isn't it?"

He swallowed and nodded. I guess he decided he didn't want to drag it out, which I appreciate.

"I'm so sorry, Jessica, I – " he started, but I held up my hand.

"What happened, Luke? Don't bullshit me or pussyfoot around it. Just tell me," I said, my voice hardening.

"Are you sure?" he asked, and I closed my eyes.

"Did you sleep with her?"

"What? No, of course not!" he exclaimed. "I wouldn't do that to you."

"But you kissed her?" I scoffed when he didn't answer. "And that's supposed to make me feel better?"

"No. I know I was wrong, Jess, but seeing her again... I still have feelings for her, and that isn't fair to you," he said, and I shook my head.

"No. It isn't. None of this has been fair to me," I said, standing up and getting my purse.

Luke grabbed my hand and I turned around to face him, willing the tears that were stinging my eyes to stay put.

"Jessica, I do care about you. You're an amazing girl, but you deserve someone who can give you his whole heart. And I can't do that," he said, and I could tell he meant it.

I wanted him to hurt as bad as I did. I wanted to make him feel horrible.

But I couldn't.

"I understand, Luke. Some things just aren't meant to be, right?" I said, pulling my hand out of his.

"Jessica, thank you for being there for me... I don't know that I would've made it through these last few months without you. Please, you have to know that," he whispered.

"I do, Luke." I looked at the door. "Look, if I don't leave right now, I'm going to cry, and I don't want to do that," I said, and he looked down.

"Okay. Jess, I hope we can be – "

I shook my head. "I don't know. Maybe one day... but hey, I'll see you in class, okay?"

He nodded. "Goodbye, Jessica."

"Goodbye, Luke," I said, opening the door and running down the stairs to my car.

As soon as I got in, I lay my head on the steering wheel and began to cry.