The Middle

Chapter 7 - Why I ride

I wake up to a pounding headache and the splatter of rain across my face. I pull myself upright and feel sick and achy. My phone reads 4:12am and I see the piles of red plastic cups scattered around me. My eyes are swollen and puffed closed to the point where I can't really see. I lean over my aching body to pick up the mess that everyone has left behind. I put all the cups and trash into a big white bag and drag it by the plastic handle behind me. I climb up the stairs into the kitchen and stuff the bag into the trash bin under the sink. I notice the bruise along my chest as a sharp pain fills my upper body. I climb up another flight of stairs and slam the door behind me. I flop myself into my bed and pull the cool sheets over myself as I sprawl out my legs. I feel life slip away feeding into peace. Sleep

~The next day

"Kenna! You have been sleeping all day! You are going to miss riding! Also clean up this mess!"

Shit what time is it?! I panic turning over my phone to have it read 4:30pm. I slept through Sunday! I roll myself out of bed and can feel the room spin around me. Stars form blurring my vision as I feel for my riding pants. As my sight clears up I slip on my pants feeling the velvet padding hug around my knee and throw on a purple tank top. I shove on my boots and fumble my way down the stairs. I see my mom standing cleaning dishes and try and slip out the door. She can't be happy with my little party mess. I think to myself.

"I can't believe you threw a party without asking me! When you get home you are cleaning all of this! You hear me?!" My mom screams.
I grasp the handle and quickly fling the car door open then back shut. My mental state can't handle her. I think to myself.

I pull my car into the barn parking lot and enjoy the feeling of home. I look at the sheet and see my name written down next to Chex's. He has always been my favorite. I pull him into his cross tie and tack him up checking every leather buckle and loop twice. I slip my foot through the shiny metal stirrup and adjust my seating. I allow my hips to sway loose as I send my horse walking into the ring.

"Hey Kenna! You excited to jump today?" Ellie calls up to me.

"Haha sure am" I say smiling back.

After a while of trotting and feeling the strain of muscle in my leg I finally canter Chex forward. I sit deep in my saddle feeling the rocking 1 2 3 of his canter. I hold my upper body straight pushing through the pain of any bruising. What am I going to do about tomorrow? I feel my heart race as I start to panic.

"Keep your back straight and go over this jumping course!"  Ellie calls out.

The idea of anything related to John or school slips my mind as I push forward towards the first jump. I squeeze my legs around Chex's girth and allow adrenaline exhilarate through my body as we lift off the ground and land. I count the strides in my head as we go over 2 then 3 then the last jump.

"Good job, your leads need some work but besides that beautiful round on Chex" I hear Ellie call.
I watch as the other riders attempt the jumps.
"Kenna I'm going to move this up for you." Ellie says as she moves the polls up high.
My mind starts racing with everything that can go wrong. Im going to fail, fall, and die. I have never jumped this high and never should. I think to myself.

"Ok go ahead!" She says smiling
"Uhhh ok..." I nervously cough back

I push forward and feel my anxiety fill my gut. I know it will all be over within the second, it's just time. I reassure myself, and with every bad thought I push through because what else could I do? I squeeze forward and feel Chex lift up underneath me. Relief fills me as I canter away. I did it! I yelp in my head. As I dismount I feel myself grow into empowerment. Time is time, it will pass. I can overcome tomorrow I think as I pack my stuff up and go home. I rinse off the dishes and go to bed. Maybe I can handle tomorrow I think.