Bandanas and Snapbacks-Taylor Caniff

Chapter 17

The next morning when I woke up it wasn't because I woke up naturally. Someone was yelling and I wasn't quietly. It was one of the boy’s rooms. Cameron.. Dammit Cameron. I needed to tell everyone. I quickly get up and dressed. I get into a pair white jean shorts and a long sleeve 5SOS shirt. I didn't want my cuts to be showing, even though they probably already know.

I do my makeup and I try to put some over my cuts but it didn’t work. I groan in frustration and grab my phone. I slip on my black Vans and I grab my penny board. I head to the elevator and I get in. Right when I get out of the hotel the beach air hits me. My hair starts waving. I throw my penny bard down and I set off. I plug my ear buds in and play music.

The music is stopped by a phone call. Alex.

"What do you want?" I growl.

"Get your ass back here. You cut last night!“ He yells.

"Whatever big brother" I say and hang up.

I ride to Connor's house to see the boys. I don’t know where else to go. I start crying. Before I hit the porch I am sobbing. I knock on the door and when the door flies open their is standing Ricky. I grab onto him. I crying into his chest.

"Shh. It's ok. Jc will be here soon" Ricky says.

He picks me up bridal style and sets me down on the couch. He gets me a blanket and tucks me in. Soon he starts walking away but I grab his arm.

"Can you stay here with me?" I say.

"Jc wouldn’t.." He starts.

"As a friend Ricky" I say.

"Fine." He smiles.

He sits next to me and I cuddle up to him closely. I fall asleep while sniffling. I like how Ricky didn’t ask. He knew not to ask till I was in a stable mood to be able to talk about it.

I am sitting on my bed in the morning while I put on my shoes. I had moved in with Taylor a few months ago and I loved it here. Jc met another girl and I was ok with that. People usually leave me. But not Taylor. My door opens and there stands Taylor.

"Laura breakfast is..." He says staring wide eyed.

"What?" I ask.

"Laura" he screams.

He runs towards me and I was so confused. He gets closer but he runs right through me. I turn around to see my body on my bed with a bottle on pills in my hand and a note on my lap. I had committed suicide.

"Laura why?" He cries at my side.

He sobs into my neck. My lifeless body was gone. I close my eyes and i feel a tear drop. In a blink of a eye i see everyone getting the news.

Taylor went into extreme depression and was put on meds because he attempted suicide. Cameron and Nash didn’t go out anymore and stopped all media. My brother died while drunk driving because he was mad at himself for letting me go. Jc started to self-harm. Ricky stopped going out as well. All the other boys from Magcon and O2L were very sad. My parents got a divorce and my best friend was the worst. Mahogany turned into the girl I was.

"No" I scream.

"Laura wake up" I hear.

I shot up from my place to see I am in Jc's room. Just a night mare. I start crying, I was so scared. Jc holds me close to him.

"I wanna go to the other boys" I cry.

"Do you wanna tell them?" Jc asks.

"Yes" I mutter.

"Can you tell me what was the dream?" He asks.

"I had committed suicide and everyone went crazy. You self-harmed." I cried.

"I won’t let you go babe" He cries.

I get up and we walk down stairs. I sit on the couch and Jc goes to get the other boys. They all sit down and i stare at my hands. Five minutes pass and I roll up my sleeves. The stare at them and I look away.

"Why?" Ricky asks.

"Like I told Jc not too long ago. I hate myself. Three years ago I was a happy person but then I started to get bullied. They started to change the way I looked at myself. I no longer saw myself as a normal teenager with problems but I ugly fat freak that can’t control her life. I started cutting and not eating. I have attempted suicide almost five times but somehow someone saves me." I cry.

"Don’t do it ever again babe. You have a guy who loves you and four big brothers who want you to be ok." Jc smiles.

"Thank you guys." I smile.

"Why the hell would you put scars on yourself on purpose?" Sam asks.

"SAM" The guys yell.

"No its fine. I do it because it distracts me from the pain inside my head and what is going on around m. It makes me focus on the pain on the outside." I say.

"So you leave fucking scars and cut yourself?" Sam shouts.

"Sam that’s enough" Kian says.

"No it isn’t. A pretty girl shouldn't be cutting herself because society thinks different then some of us. I hate how some people take their life because someone said something bad about them" He says.

"Actually I didn’t try to take my life because someone said something. I tried because I believed what the said. I could care less about what they say. I don’t listen to them. I listen to myself and I hate myself. I hate everything about me to the point where I think I am better off dead than alive." I say and get up.

I storm up stairs into Jc's room and lay on his bed. After a few minutes of yelling, Jc comes into the room. He lays down beside me and cuddles up to me. I fall asleep with my head on his chest.