"There's always, always some characters died in the novel you write, don't you afraid of death?" Andrew asked me, looking at my laptop screen to my half-done novel with his strange face. His green eyes look so curious to read every single word in there.
I grinned. "I wrote mystery, babe, which is always connected with death sometimes." But my answered never eased his curious face. "Why? Are you afraid of death?" I teased him.
Andrew nods afterward. "I guess so, just imagine, if I die, I will be lonely right? In the place I will never know where, all by myself."
----
"Andy..." I hissed and started to open my eyes. And the first thing I saw was my laptop screen is still one and showing pictures from the screensaver.
I straighten up, take a deep breath and then rubbed my face. It was just a dream. It was three in the morning. I should've keep awake to finished my writing, but maybe I'm just too tired to keep this eyes wide open. Instead I was sleeping on the table.
I reached my mug and sigh. It was empty and grudgingly stood up to go to kitchen to make another one glass of coffee. I can't afford to fall asleep anymore. Write, write and write, that's all I have to do, write will ease the pain of losing him.
Him...
Andrew Robertson, my fiancé and the stubborn man I've ever met, died in the car accident at Christmas morning four weeks ago. He was ignoring me when I told him to not driving in the snowy street to go to his parent's house. And look what you've got now for not listening to me? You went, and never coming back to me.
Didn't you ever say that you're afraid of death? Because you will be there all by yourself in the place you never knew before. But right now instead you're leaving me first, did you feel lonely there? Did you all by yourself?
After I made a coffee I sat toward my laptop, work again, write again.
My work is my diversion. I would work twenty four hours if it necessary, just to ease the emptiness of Andrew's presence in here. Because if I stopped at any time, his memories will haunted my mind and I can't bear the pain.
Since he has been gone, I started to hate to slept cause in my dream I would met him and it would always turned to a nightmare. In my dream, he was jumped off a cliff, stabbed in his heart, drowning and anything else. That's why I started to sleepless.
I didn't even know since when Andrew started to look like one of the character in every story I wrote, the victim who the death remains to be a mystery, a case to solve to the one they left behind. But his death wasn't a mystery. His death is an adversity and big loss for me and the other who loved him.
----
"Honey, your plot is a big mess." That's the first sentence said by Lucy, a friends and an editor of every novels I've written. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"
"What? No." I answered.
She sighs. "Were you slept well this lately?"
"Of course I did."
Lucy showed her concern face. "I know you won't talk to me like forever, but I'll tell you as a friend that you need a rest, honey. Take a holiday for one or two weeks. And I will be here every time you ready to talk."
I looked at the floor before saw Lucy's face again. "Thank you."
----
"Irene..." he called my name, he was wearing his suit, and he looks very handsome in black. He smiled at me, waving as a sign to come to him.
I almost reach his hand but Andrew suddenly falling, his body slide off the rocky cliff.
----
"Andy!" I was shouting when I wake up, sweat soaked my forehead and I tried to catch my breath as if I'm just running for couple miles. I was fell asleep on the couch with my television still on, I wiped my sweat on my forehead before get up and went to the kitchen to take a glass of water.
The nightmare always repeated themselves, not the same thing every day, but always bad and painful every time I fell asleep. I should talk to someone about it but they probably said I'm just overreacting.
It was middle of the night and I absolutely refuse to slept again, my mind was full with every moment and every memory of me and Andrew. I felt suffocated every time I remember him, the air suddenly felt so thin, I let out a soft sob. I love him very much and it was hurt me so bad when I losing him.
I cried out loud...
I was broken, I was mourning, and I was going completely crazy because of losing him. And no one understood. I don't even understand how people still smiling when they lost their loved one cause I can't ever be like them.
His loss will always broke my heart, took away all my happiness and I couldn't thinking of any reason to smile since he has been gone. The days without him will always feel so empty and painful.
----
I was sitting on the roof at the fourth floor of my flat. The air still so cold in the end of January night and I can hear the sound of music vaguely from the bar across the road of this building.
I saw a street below there, quiet and wet because of the rain an hour ago. My mind was wandering to Andrew again. I didn't know how to forget him and what can I do to ease the pain and the painful memories he caused to me.
In fact, I can't, I can't do anything that can distracted me from him, I will always thought about him, no matter what and I can't move on without Andrew by my side. I still looked at the empty street below.
The gravity as if pulled me down...
----
"Irene..." that voice makes me looked over my shoulder and saw Andrew with his white suit smiling and approaching me.
"Andy, you're here?" I asked to him, blinking couple times to make sure that I wasn't dreaming. Andrew was standing toward me right now.
He smiled gently. "I will always here."
The air suddenly felt not so cold anymore but I heard a noise, some people gathered around the street below me and a siren from ambulance. I want to saw it clearly what happened, but Andrew pulled my hand and take me away.
----
Sorry Andy 😢
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REDS || LIVERPOOL FC'S IMAGINES
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