I ripped a tissue from the box sniffling. "I don't normally get like this. But he's coming around a lot more."
"That's because you tell me it's okay."
Dr. Draper crossed her legs. "Is that true, Hope?"
I touched the tissue to my nose and blew. "Yes."
"Why don't you tell him no and that you need space?"
She made it seem so simple. I guess that was why she was the therapist and I was the person sobbing into tissues in her office.
"Sometimes I feel bad for saying no." I looked at Slade. He was stoic. "His daughter is there."
Slade sighed.
"We have already discussed visitation for Gemma and the two of you said you were fine with it." She lifted her pen and jotted something down.
"Why does it feel like I'm wasting my money?" Slade snapped.
"Slade stop," I breathed. "This helps me."
"I'm glad it's helping one of us." He went silent, leaning back in his seat drumming his fingers on the arm.
"I don't know what the issue is," I insisted.
"The issue is she loves me and knows what's happening is wrong," Slade interrupted. "She's worried her marriage will end up like her parents. And no matter how many times I tell her it won't she doesn't believe me."
"That's because you can't predict the future, Slade."
I bit my lip to keep from laughing. Slade hated the doctor so much. And every dry comment full of sarcasm fueled the hatred even more.
"That's not it," I insisted. "We've been through the worst. Everything awful I have gone through was with Slade."
"Some might say that's a good thing," she told me scribbling in her notebook.
"That's the thing it doesn't feel good at all. It feels bad... when I think about Slade I think about losing my father. I think about magic and near death experiences." I wanted to know how you could love someone attached to so much darkness. The love I felt for Slade was beautiful but after a few moments the darkness set in like a fog. And everything beautiful just wilted away.
"When's the last time we had anything to do with the magic?" Slade asked.
"Since I got pregnant," I exhaled. "And that means a lot to me." I looked at him, he was busy studying the little water fountain in the corner of the room.
Slade scraped the heels of his hands down his jeans and stood up. "What else do you want from me?"
I wiped at the tears.
"Because I would fucking off myself if it fixed you," he shook his head and before I could answer he was slamming the door.
I pulled it together. "Thanks for your time. Obviously he's upset. So I think we're done for the day."
"What about you, Hope?" She unwrapped a mint and popped it in her mouth. "Do you think you want this relationship to really be over? Or would you rather string him along, use him for sexual satisfaction and a warm spot in your bed at night?"
I crossed my arms. "That was a little harsh."
"In all my sessions I see one truth." She sat up straighter. "You are very selfish."
I shifted away from her, I felt attacked.
"You say you don't want to hurt Slade, you expel all these tears but yet you still are allowing him to hold on to all the feelings he has for you."
"You don't have to be so rude," I stood up. "I have to leave."
She nodded. "See you next week. And do me a favor please think about the consequences of keeping things so intimate between you and Slade."
