emotions, jack gilinsky

24

jack gilinsky

i smile at my grandma as she tightens her grip on the grocery bags. "gran," i chuckle, "you sure—"

"i've got it." she cuts off, "i've been going to the gym, did i tell you that?"

"you did." i nod with a grin. "fifty times since you've been here."

"i've only been here for a weekend." she reflects, "it feels like a month. that's how dead your house is."

"who do you think makes it that way?" i ask, glancing at her.

"i know." she sighs. "they shouldn't treat you like that."

i bite my lip, a little surprised she thought that. "maybe i deserve it." i murmur, "they're stressed. i'm a bad son, too."

"oh, hush." she shakes her head. "you're amazing, and they're blind if they don't see it. plus, you're a teenager! you're out all of the time, they shouldn't expect you to stay by your brothers side twenty-four seven."

"yeah." i agree blankly. i didn't feel like a good son. i felt like a burden in their tragic lives.

+

"i love you."

"i'm sorry, i just don't."

she shy's away from him, turning her back. "this is giving me second hand embarrassment." i tell my grandma, my eyes remaining on the screen.

"me and you both." she confirms.

i sigh, setting the pillow i'd been clutching aside and standing up. "where are you going?" she asks, looking up at me.

"i should sleep." i admit. "i've had a bad sleeping schedule for a while, and i have a science quiz tomorrow—"

"okay, okay." she chuckles. "it's fine." she starts to get up, before she stumbles down again.

my eyes widen and i reach out to keep her steady, "woah, hey, you alright?"

she gives me a lopsided smile, "stop that. i'm fine, honey."

"i'm just making sure." i say, chuckling slightly to lighten up the situation. "can't blame me for worrying about you."

she laughs, caressing my cheek. "no need to worry. now, get some sleep. i'll whoop your ass if i see a bad grade on that science test."

i roll my eyes playfully before bidding her a goodnight as well and heading upstairs.

as i enter my room, i looked over at my backpack, my mind wandering to amara. she hadn't contacted me all weekend, and i couldn't help but wonder if i scared her off.

"i'm sorry." i huff, using my sleeve to wipe the tears marking my cheeks.

"oh.." she sighs, gripping my arm and bringing it back down before using her own sleeve to wipe them. "don't apologize."

"my shit..has become yours." i admit. "in such a short time."

she raises her brow, "why? because you're crying in front of me?"

"i guess."

"that's not shit you should handle on your own..the reason you're crying." she says. "and if you tell me..i could help you."

i swallow the forming lump in my throat as the memory gets interrupted by my phone buzzing.

my eyes scan meredith's name on the screen, before reluctantly picking it up. "h-hey."

"jack." she chuckles, "what's gotten into you? we haven't spoken in a while."

"my uh, my grandma is back in town." i gleam, "so, sorry."

"you're happy because your grandma is back in town?" she chuckles, "pathetic."

my hand felt shaky while holding the phone up to my ear, "fuck, yeah. you're right. that..was a lie. i've actually been practicing a lot lately, you know? because i haven't been to practice for a while."

"oh." she says, before laughing. "that's alright. wanna hangout?"

"it's sunday..school tomorrow—"

"jesus, when did you become such a softie? who cares that it's sunday. come over! it'll be fun."

i chew on my lip, glancing at the clock. 11:32pm.

"uh," i look back over at the empty wall. "sure. i'll be there, mer."

+

what is the difference between homogenous and heterogeneous?

i blink, then again.

heterogeneous..homogeneous..what the fuck is that?

"hey." i nudge johnson, who looks up from his own test. "did we..did we even learn this shit?"

"bro," he whispers, "we've spent the last week going over it."

i look back over at my test, feeling my hands shake under my desk.

"dude..you good?" johnson asks when the bell rings, walking beside me in the hall. "you look like shit."

"i'm fine." i mutter, rubbing my eyes. "i just didn't get enough sleep last night."

"you sure you got any sleep at all?" he asks sarcastically, "hey," he grabs my shoulder and pulls me back to face him, pulling his eyebrows together. "i'm being serious."

i groan, "i just..took a few drugs with meredith last night, that's it, man. chill."

"meredith?" he scoffs. "she made you come over last night?"

"hey, no. i came over by myself." i defend. "so whatever target you're trying to place on her, back off."

before i can loosen his grip, he leans in closer. "you're going to get in trouble. your eyes are a fucking mess, jack. and that's just one thing."

i look ahead of johnson, focusing on amara behind him who had been rummaging through her locker.

she briefly glances at me, and before she could react, i back away from johnson. "i'm fine."

***
edited this while half asleep so sorry if there's a few grammar errors.

also how would you guys feel about a bazzi fanfic??