emotions, jack gilinsky

12

amara rahman

"and maybe, you aren't." ms.nawell reads from the book held in her hands, the same book lying in front of all of us.

"maybe i am in love with the thought of you. maybe, i'm living in a fantasy world."

i push the book away, deciding it was definitely one of the cheesiest books i've ever read.

she continues to read, and i look around and realize most of the class shared the same thoughts as me, and had pushed the book aside with their phones out.

ms.nawell must love this book, considering everyone's cell phones are out, i'm guessing she hasn't looked up in a while.

even with ms.nawell's loud reading, i still heard the whispers behind me. most of them included going to homecoming.

speaking of, i recall javi telling my dad he was going to spend the night at his friends today. i was pissed, but i completely forgot to remind him that he was supposed to help me.

or i can just excessively apologize to my mom so i don't have to feel guilty about sneaking out.

i like the first option better.

as soon as the bell rang, i shoved my headphones on and blasted whatever music played when i pressed shuffle. i fell into my own world for a while, before i felt a tap on my shoulder.

i looked back and saw jack, who'd stood beside my desk. i quickly finish packing my things, and take a headphone out. "sorry."

"it's fine." he says. "just wanted to let you know, i took my math test."

i nod with a small smile, "confident about it?"

"i don't know." he replies. "but..my coach told me last night that i won't play tonight's game if my grade in math is still a D. so, i'm gonna go after school and ask my teacher if she can put the grade in now. you wanna come?"

we walk out together, "after school, right?"

"yeah." he nods. "since you uh, played a big part in this, maybe you wanna see what i got. besides, if i fail, i feel like you're good at consoling."

i snort, "the opposite of that, actually. but yeah, i'll come."

"cool." he says. "coming to the game?"

"wouldn't miss it." i reply, "homecoming football games are actually the most fun."

"i agree." he nods. "i'm..supposed to give my old jersey to someone to wear in the stands, it's like a tradition. so..i was wondering..if you wanted to wear it?"

my eyebrows raise in surprise, "what? me? why?"

"think of it as my way of showing appreciation for helping me the other day."

"oh, wow." i murmur. "it would be an honor to wear jack gilinsky's old jersey."

his eyes roll at my sarcasm. "you wanna do it or not?"

"i wouldn't dare to miss the opportunity of a lifetime." i tell him, smirking.

"alright, come with me, then."

i follow him to his locker, and we pass cj on the way. i notice jack glare at cj, who furrows his eyebrows at us.

we stop at his locker and he opens it in a few seconds. "god, your locker is a mess." i mumble.

"yeah, yeah. here."

he slips out his older jersey. it was black with purple lining. "it's from freshman year."

"nice." i say, examining it. i grab it, "i'll do the wonderful honor and wear it, sir."

"please stop, amara." he groans, though i saw the small smile present on his lips.

we walk in the cafeteria together, and i felt eyes on me. damn.

"..amara. are you..holding.." bri began.

"jack gilinsky's jersey!" ravyn exclaims with her eyes widening, "holy shit."

i roll my eyes, suppressing a smile and setting the jersey down. "you guys are overdramatic."

"he gave it to you, though?" bri asks. "what about meredith?"

i hadn't even thought about her. now thinking about it, it is odd that he didn't give her his jersey.

when i look at their table, meredith's usual spot on jack's lap was empty, as she'd been sitting across from him.

was something going on between them? i thought they were all lovey dovey this morning. then again, i'm not even sure they were a couple in the first place.

i knew i was a second choice. and i didn't know how to feel about it.

"i thought you were gonna wear mine." cj says, looking up from his phone with a frown.

"i probably said that last year."

"still."

"a lot of things change in a year." i murmur, and bri and ravyn look away, awkward silence between us all.

"anyways," bri says. "plans for tomorrow?"

"we should all go in one car." ravyn suggests. "amara, you can be the designated driver."

"can't." i shrug. "i'm making javi take me. i have to sneak out."

"why?" cj asks.

i ignore him, "why?" bri asks.

"i talked back to my mom." i admit. "on one of her bad days."

they all chuckle. "alright, i'll be designated driver." cj informs.

bri lets out a loud laugh, "sure. unless your motive is to kill us all, you'd be the last person we'd put as a designated driver."

"i can be sober!"

i drown out their conversation, looking down at the jersey sat in front of me, 'gilinsky' written in purple colored font across the back. my heart fluttered.

i look across the cafeteria, at jack. an unfamiliar feeling taking over my mind and heart.

******
vote and comment. i fucking hated this chapter lmao