Powerlessness ( Loki x Reader )

XXIX.

               I've always loved the smell of gasoline.

It reminded me of my mother, or at least what I could remember of her.

She had a factory job out of the Navy. Some low-end refinery somewhere on the bad side of town. Maintenance was shit but, hey; at least it paid well. There was always food on the table, clothes on our backs; hot water to clean our asses. If there was one thing I remembered about my mother, she didn't like to sit down for too long. Even when she had gotten sick ~ the crazy woman had enough drive in her to keep a day job until the chemo made her too weak to stand. And don't get me started about that damn cane she had. God, a good wack from that and you'd be on your ass faster than you could pick your teeth off the ground.

She was a fighter. A soldier. And my godfather never missed a beat to tell me how much I reminded him of her.

I wonder what he'd say now? What he'd think of this woman I had become. What his "flower" bloomed into.

Ha.

Ha. Ha.

But you can only gargle on your own blood for so long.

"You're up early?"

Shifting my attention from the face of the skillet onto him, I addressed Loki with a welcoming glance. "Oh, yeah. I just couldn't seem to keep my eyes closed last night."

It was 6:03 am on a Sunday morning. Dawn had just barely begun and the sun's bright and beaming glare lit up the horizon with a brilliant orange. I stood before the bay window accompanying the stove; a pair of sizzling eggs face up in the skillet adorning my hand as a pan of bacon popped eagerly to my side.

"What are you doing up?" I asked.

"Noticed you weren't in bed and felt curious to find you ~ smells delicious by the way."

"Thank you."

Shuffling house shoes scratching against the marble floor behind me, I smiled contently as a pair of arms coiled around my waist. "So...Care to explain what happened last night?"

I shrugged. "Not much to explain. I was just... stressed out."

"Nothing more?"

"Nothing more." I lied.

Kissing the skin above my bare shoulders, he gripped the sides of my nightdress firmly. "Well, how do you feel now?"

Empty.

"Better." I nodded.

I could feel the shift in his mood as his body held slightly more stiff against me.

"Hm."

His ice-cold fingers entangling themselves in mine, he spun me to face him.

I knew that look. That slight glare and twitch of his brow that spoke to me in that velvety Asgardian accent. "Are you sure you wanna lie to me?" God, I could hear it in his voice. I knew I should probably tell him. Tell him that I felt sick to my stomach thinking of what happened last night. That the only reason I got out of bed so early was because I was horrified that the man that lay beside me wouldn't be the man I crawled into to bed with. Tell him everything I saw - everything I heard in that moment between sitting in his lap and speaking to him again.