Something Random to Satisfy You With

Chapter 8: Heists Are Never Easy (And You'll See Why)

“So Reuben,” Hershey said, “what made you want to be Tasty the Chicken?”  They were driving in Reuben’s 1977 Corvette to the Local Hotel outside of town, avoiding the traffic jam along. Now Hershey wanted to be acquainted with Reuben without revealing that she was the one got revenge on his relative, for obvious reasons.

“I never wanted to be Tasty the Chicken. I only took the job because it was available, because no other employer would take me, and because no one would step up to the plate and dare to get fitted for that suit.” Reuben replied.

“Why wouldn’t anyone take you?” Hershey asked.

“I don’t know. I’ve got a degree in Computer Sciences, Chemistry, Business Applications, Advanced Mathematics, Taxidermy, Medical Sciences, Advanced History, Journalism, Anthropology, and Veterinary Sciences. I was valedictorian of my high school graduation and served as class president for six semesters. But for some reason, despite all my credentials, I couldn’t get a steady job until three and a half years ago when I joined Tastes Like Chicken. That job was only meant for the summer, until I got a better job sometime later, but by the end of the season I got recruited by M.O.C. I’ve only stayed on for two reasons, one was so I could go on this mission, and the other was so that I could help fund my brother.” Reuben explained.

“What brother?” Hershey asked nervously, hoping the answer she knew would be said wouldn’t come up.

“I’ve got a younger brother named Patrick. He’s currently unemployed, he broke up with his girlfriend a couple of years ago, and in general he’s just having a tough time coping with stuff.” Reuben said.

“He’s having a tough time coping with the break up?” Hershey inquired hopefully.

“No,” Reuben responded, “with being unemployed. I heard that his girlfriend was an OK sort of girl, and I kind of wanted to meet her. Anyway, I just want to support him with all that I can give, because he’s my brother, and I love him. I even let him move into my house when he had to mortgage his. You know, if anyone tried to hurt him, or ruin his life in any way, I’d take that person’s head, grab it in a headlock, throw them to the ground, and with the toughest boots I can find...”

“Well why wouldn’t you just give the person a piece of candy and let them be?” Hershey suggested.

“Are you kidding me? Are you seriously kidding me? You’re telling me I should love my enemies?” Reuben laughed.

“Well...” Hershey lagged.

“What kind of nut job loves their enemies? What’s the point of having enemies if you can’t hate them? After that they’d be mere tolerable annoyances, like a scab or something.” Reuben pointed out.

“Well....” Hershey lagged some more.

“OK, listen, I’m sorry. If you can honestly tell me that you would be willing to let go, forgive and forget, actually love your enemies, then maybe I’d reconsider my thinking.” Reuben offered.

There was a long pause. Hershey couldn’t honestly say that she’d be able to love her enemies. That wasn’t how she treated her ex-boyfriend and the guy at the video store, and it certainly violated M.O.C procedure. But maybe she could lie. That way, when Reuben found out about her secret, he might turn out to be less violent then what would be originally possible. Finally, Hershey made her decision.

“No. I probably wouldn’t be able to love my enemies.” Hershey replied.

“See? See what I mean? Even you can’t love your enemies, even when following your ideals. It’s probably because we humans don’t have the patience to deal with other people’s annoying attributes. Do you know what I’m saying?” Reuben said.