I Wonder If I Care as Much

Chapter Sixteen

Angus hated to see women cry. He hated to see anyone cry, but women were the worst. He'd sometimes catch his mother crying when he sneaked into her room and it scared him. Tissues all over her side of the bed while her body shook from more emotions than he knew the names of. He'd leave without a sound and hide in his room, or stay with Malcolm until she called them down to dinner. Her eyes were always red and she always gave them a smile while she watched them eat. He pretended not to notice. He hated to see a woman cry, and his heart just about shattered when he found Hannah crying in her backyard.

He let himself through the gate like normal and didn't see the piece of paper on the porch until after he knocked on the door. He couldn't recognize the handwriting and hardly had an easy time reading it. Travis had apparently left for another meeting uptown telling Hannah to go easy on her money. Some numbers were written on the back of it and Angus crumpled it up stuffing it in his pocket. He didn't care about those numbers. No one answered during his light read and he knocked again. For an answer, he turned his head to the sound of a stone hitting wood. The white fence wobbled as a rock bounced through the grass. While he waited, another rock ricocheted off and hit the grass, rolling ten feet from the porch. Angus left the porch and made his way around the house. If someone was dumb enough to break into his friend's house while she was gone they wouldn't be there for long. Angus picked the rock up just in case.

The backyard was just as well put together as it was the last time he saw it, except for the fountain being completely dry and the umbrella having taken completely off the table. He stuck his hands in his pockets hiding the rock from sight when he heard a heavy, and slightly unattractive sniff, and another rock flying past his legs hitting the fence head on. "Excuse me?" Angus said walking toward the huddled mound on the grass against the house, head down with their knees pulled up to their chest. He got a closer look. "Hannah?"

She looked up at him. Her face was wet. "Angus."

"What are you doin'?" he asked sitting next to her. His face turned red. "I guess I can see what you're doin', but why? I mean, what's wrong?"

Wiping her nose on her sleeve she feigned a smile. "What makes you think something's wrong?"

"Now don't play coy with me," he said grabbing her face, lessening his grip when he saw her flinch. He regretted his action immediately. "I'm sorry."

"Can't I have a good cry once in a while?"

"Travis did something, didn't he?" Angus asked. "He yelled at you, put you down...he didn't threaten you, did he?" She shook her head. "What then?"

"Where's Malcolm?"

"Hotel with a headache, now please..." She tried to pull her head away. "Hannah, I hate it when you don't tell me things..."

She remembered that day. She could never forget despite how much she wanted to. Though even with remembering it came with at least one goodbye. She wiped her eyes again, Angus' hand helping. The other was over her shoulders lightly gripping one. Thinking of her selfish iniquity had her crying unattractively again and she pinched herself for it. "Hey," Angus said. "Don't do that."

"Travis didn't say anything," Hannah finally managed. Angus raised an eyebrow.

"Did I?" he asked.

"No! No, not that I remember." She hardly laughed at her joke.

"Is this about yesterday? Look, I'm real sorry about that, if I'd have known Sherrie was gone I'd have stayed right with you-"

"It's not you!" she said harsher than she intended. Angus waited for her to speak again. When she didn't he wiped some more tears away with his thumb. Something stirred, something about seeing a close friend cry tore at his conscience. It wasn't worse than seeing his mother weep, but a different kind of pain. Before he knew what he was doing he put his lips to her tears instead, his hand coming to rest on her other shoulder. Her face was red when he pulled away, but less stained in sorrow than it was before.