All I Wanted

Chapter 4

It's been a week since I crossed the Mystic Falls border. That night, I immediately got back in my car and drove back to Whitmore. I was afraid someone would see me there at night and tell Damon. He always has eyes and ears everywhere.

Anyway, I've been keeping a low-profile around Elena. She thinks we're back to being friends but I know what they did to me. I remember. It is rather hard to stay out of trouble while I'm trying to investigate more of the mystical things going on. I have to be extra careful.

There is no way I am getting everything compelled away again. It was excruciating to have four years worth of memories come flooding back in the same minute. Even if they did compel me, they don't know that I know everything. So, maybe they would only compel me to forget what I had just seen.

I can't risk it.

Almost everyone has gone home for the holidays. Today is Christmas, after all. I can't go back to Mystic Falls and see my family, or Damon and Elena would know that I have my memories back. It's extremely depressing to be alone on Christmas. Especially since it's my favorite holiday.

I always get so giddy when I get to decorate everything in red and green and a billion lights. One of my favorite traditions for Christmas is making a ton of batches of different kinds of homemade candies. God, I could eat all of them for days and never get sick. My favorite thing about it, though, is the gifts.

No, I don't mean me getting gifts. I would actually prefer if people didn't get me things. I'm a bit of a hoarder so I'll keep something even if I don't need it or want it. I love giving people gifts. I remember the first time that I had enough money to buy people presents. I used it all up and my mom had to pay the tax because I didn't account for that.

Ever since, it's always made me happy to listen to what people need or want and grant a miniature wish. Or sometimes I'll hand-make the gifts. Those are fun and I spend days on end working on them. It's sad to think about now because I haven't been home for Christmas since I came to college.

Apparently last year, Damon had compelled me not to go home for any holiday because of the stupid magic border. He told my mom that I was too sick to come home. This year, I took the liberty of calling her myself to tell her that I couldn't come home.

"But, I haven't seen you in so long!"
"I know, momma. But, I have an honor's project that I need to get a jump-start on."
"Well, as long as you're enjoying college I guess it's okay."
"Thanks, momma. Maybe you can come see me for New Years?"
"That sounds great, sweetie! I love you."
"I love you too, momma."

It killed me to lie so blatantly to her. But, I didn't want Damon going anywhere near her anymore. He's a monster to me now. He better not show his face here and hope that we're gonna have some Christmas fun. I am not in the jolly spirit this year.

In an effort to lessen my loneliness, I went to the store and got some decorations for my dorm. I somehow got lucky enough to have a single, so I can put up whatever I like. As I'm finishing putting some tiny ornaments on my miniature tree, my phone rings on my desk.

Making my way over to it slowly, I pick it up without looking at the ID. I hold it to my ear with one hand as I stick the other in the pocket of my Christmas onesie. "Hello?" I answer in my fake-pleasant voice.

"Hey, y/n," the voice on the other end says. My breath hitches in my throat and I exhale deeply before they continue. "I know it's been a long time since we talked...but it's Christmas and your mom said you weren't coming home."

I clear my throat and play along with the lie. No one can know. Not even him. "Yeah, it has been a long time. How are you holding up? You know, since..."