One Last Chance: A Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin Love Story

III

Remus didn't feel a thing. All he saw was Tonks crumpling to the ground. Remus had a panic attack. His eyes widened in shock and surprise. He didn't know what kind of spell the Death Eater used. He wanted to kneel down next to her. Check her pulse. Check her breathing.

Remus stood up straight and began shooting off spells with more strength and determination than he thought. He didn't notice when he stunned most of the Death Eaters. He didn't even notice when the rest of the Order came. All Remus was concerned about at the moment was saving the beautiful and bright young witch in front of him.

He knelt down beside her, gripping her wrist frantically for a pulse. Suddenly, a ginger headed woman ran up to him.

"Remus!"Molly enveloped him in a hug, then spotted Tonks, laying still and cold on the ground, "Oh no..."

Remus still held her wrist and placed two fingers against a spot on her neck to find a pulse. He was overjoyed with relief when he felt the beating of Tonks' heart. It was steady and not as quick as he thought it would be. Her breathing was shallow and quiet.

The rest of the Order appeared, each stricken with a look of pity and worry. Molly was busy checking on the poor girl, as Sirius questioned Remus about what had happened. Even though Tonks and Sirius weren't that close, they were still second cousins, and he cared for her as much as he did. Remus told them everything that had happened. Arthur spoke first.

"Do you think she'll be able to disapperate with us?" Arthur asked, putting hand on his wife's shoulder.
"I'm not so sure. We shouldn't risk it."
"The pain curse and the final stun must have taken a lot out of her. But she'll come back." Mad-Eye said, almost to reassure himself.

Remus had to be strong, but realizing he'd caused this pain made him feel weaker. Molly Weasley could sense how he felt. She placed a gentle but firm hand on his shoulder, as if to say 'it's not your fault and if you keep saying it was, I'll hex you'.

The Order had decided to disapparate. They didn't want to be attacked by the Death Eaters any longer. Didn't want to risk anymore lives. It was also the quickest mode of transportation.

The Order had arrived at 12 Grimmauld Place before Remus did. Molly was running back and forth through the house. She mostly focused on making sure Tonks was going to be okay. Not waving to Remus as she walked past him. Even going so far to have visible tears in her warm hazel eyes. Arthur and Sirius were busy with the rest of the Order, looking for a solution to their problems. Remus didn't feel like joining them.

He sat in the nearest arm chair and glanced around for a book to read. Not finding one, Remus decided a nap would be something nice. Molly and the Weasley children were cooking dinner, he assumed, by the sweet smell of warm food. Tonks was going to be okay, he tried to reassure himself. She was going to be okay.

Remus's dream started like this: quiet, eerie, and cold. But he wasn't shivering. What was happening? He found himself in the midst of a battle, but a small one at that. Only one Death Eater. He couldn't see under the hood, but he could tell that the wizard didn't like him. The Death Eater held his wand at ready, aiming for the ground. It was there Remus finally decided to look.

He saw dark hair and gray eyes. Sirius. And bright pink hair with shifting eye color. Tonks. What were there doing in his dream? Sirius was sending him a knowing smile, as if he could tell what Remus was thinking. Tonks was wearing her usual jokester grin. Suddenly, a flash of green light filled the sky.

Remus woke up in cold sweat. Droplets running down his back and neck. His breathing heavy and ragged. What had just happened?

Sirius came crashing into the reading room. Not literally, but only figuratively. As he strode
gracefully inside, Remus sat up a bit straighter and raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"The meeting sucked." Sirius began, quite bluntly.
Remus was indifferent, "How so?"
"I didn't get to hex Snape."
He laughed, "You never get to hex Snape."
"Yes, but this time you weren't there to make remarks with me."
"Sirius, we've all grown up now. It's not polite to make snide comments about a coworker."
"Well I haven't."

Sirius took a deep breath, Remus could clearly see how stressed he was. Worry lines on his face. Weary looking joints. Heavy, dark bags under his eyes. He was probably stressed mostly about Harry. Remus was stressed too. And seeing Harry reminded him too much of James. Of course, he's got Lily's eyes.

Remus knew Sirius hated his house. Mrs. Black screaming about Mudbloods from down the corridor. Possessions that seemed cursed to him. A house elf with unswerving loyalty to this house and Purebloods. Remus remembered that Sirius had been yelled at and berated constantly, and had felt like he'd been forced to run away. He remembered his little brother, Regulus, who'd died fighting He-who-must-not-be-named. (Remus was still a slight but traditional to the old ways of addressing the wizard who started this all.) Sirius lost as much as Remus did, and maybe even more.

"So, mate, you fancy anybody."
Remus laughed about his friend's casual attitude, "Mate, we're in the middle of a war, do I have the time to fancy anybody?"
"Thought I'd ask."

Remus grinned. His thoughts drifted to Tonks. The bright haired, bright eyed, spunky girl with a flair for spells. She seemed so carefree and happy. She was beautiful, too. Remus found her so interesting and amusing. He unknowingly smiled. Sirius must have caught that smile.

"Who are you thinking about?"
"You can't just assume it's a who." Remus tried to lie.
"I know it's who, by your silly little smile. You've never smiled like that before."

Sirius was right. Remus had never smiled like that before. He'd never had a faraway gaze. Or a blush spreading across his cheeks if he saw someone. Never that jumpy, fluttering feeling in his stomach.

All he because he'd never been in love.

Love. A faraway, but familiar context to Remus. Something he parents gave him. Something his best friends gave him. Something his former students gave. Something the whole world could give. But all the love in the world wouldn't make Remus love himself. He was a monster. A freak. He could kill anyone he loved in ten minutes, without being able to stop himself. He could hurt people.

Remus sighed and looked back at Sirius, "You know, I can't fall in love. Because of my... condition."
"You've got one more chance to fall in love. Are you going to take it or not?" Sirius looked him in the eye pitifully.