Chapter 24:

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Beth sat on my bed with her mouth hanging open like she was ready to eat a planet.

            “You, you can’t have kids?” she croaked out and I nodded. “You mean to tell me you were in a car accident and you didn’t tell me?”

            “Yes,” I said as I continued folding clothes.

            “Daisy Daniels!” Beth scolded and I rolled my eyes. “You cannot just get into a car accident and not tell me! What if you had some after effects or what if something bad happened?”

            “The doctor cleared me.”

            “I don’t care what the doctor said! How are you feeling? Are you okay? Show me your leg!”

            “Beth calm down. The accident isn’t why I’m upset.”

            “Right, no kids. What did the doctor say again?”

            “That I’ve have a t-bone uterus which makes it hard to conceive kids.”

            “But not impossible?”

            “A ‘one in a million chance’, was what the doctor said.”

            “Well maybe you could still have kids, I mean you were always one in a million.”

            “Stop trying to give me false hope.”

            “There is no such thing as false hope, just hope. You should believe in hope. Hope is good. Hope means you believe in something. Hope gives you a reason to keep living.”

            “Depends what you hope on because if you hope that your dog will fly well then, hope is just pretty damn disappointing.”

That night I spent my time not at the club but at the pub and I got so drunk I couldn’t tell the difference between up and down. I had ten Vodka shots until the bartender cut me off. I ended up being carried back to my cabin by the bartender when he clocked off because Beth couldn’t carry me.

The next morning I woke up and I felt even worse because now not only did I feel heartache because I didn’t have Liam but now I also had a very severe headache with a slight feeling of disorientation.

That was the moment I realised that alcohol wasn’t going to fix my problems this time round. Usually when I drank away my problems I would forget just for a few hours what my problems were but that night when I drank away my problems I just became even more depressed about them. Drinking wasn’t the answer anymore. Maybe it never was.

I just didn’t know what to do with my life anymore. Before when I had the family issues I was at rock bottom but now, now I was a hundred meters below rock bottom. Apparently alcohol was only the answer for rock bottom.

The blinds opened with a loud rattle of curtain rings against the plastic rod and light flooded the room causing my eyes to squint. I pulled the blanket over my head. I heard three loud claps and then the blanket came flying off of my body and I spasmed as the light burned my closed eyes. I pulled a pillow over my head.

            “Get up!” Beth demanded. “Come on!” she clapped again. Loudly. My head was pounding. She was making it a billion times worse. “Get up!”

            “Leave me alone,” I snapped. The pillow was yanked out of my weak, sleepy fingers and I heard it knock something off a table.

            “Oh no. You broke up with him. You don’t get to act sad and depressed and like you’d rather die than be alive.”

            “You just described how I was feeling in one sentence, you deserve a gold star.” I face planted my face into the mattress.

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