Unforgivable Lies (Remus Lupin)

VI

I snuggled closer to Remus, feeling safe and protected for the first time in ages. Which on itself was kind of strange. He was a werewolf, after all. Why that thought didn't bother me was beyond me. But It didn't, and as I wrapped my arms around his waist and leaned into him I couldn't help like something inside me changed. For the better or for the worse, I didn't know.

He held me for wat seemed like a very long time, burying his face in my unruly hair, and whispering sweet words into my ear. I noticed how well we fit together, like I belonged there, in his arms. The cold outside was forgotten, and as my tears subsided and I calmed down, I couldn't supress the feeling of helplesness that had now taken root inside my heart. These feelings, these sensations, they made me vulnerable, after all. But at the moment, with Remus arms wrapped tenderly around me, I couldn't care less.

When he pulled away, I flinched at the thought of what a sight I must have been. Crying always made me look like something the cat dragged in. Puffy eyes, pale skin, the wholse shebang. I wanted to turn away and shook my head, letting my hair fall in front of my face like a curtain. Remus stopped me though, brishing away the hair and smiling at me softly.

"Shhh... it's okay" he said after a brief silence.

"Sorry.... I'm such a mess" I managed, smiling weakly.

"No, you're not. You are a beautiful, intelligent and perceptive young woman, and you probably understand people a lot better than they give you credit for" Remus said with a soft smile.

There was another silence, one in which we were looking into eachothers eyes, having some sort of silent conversation. It was as if Remus was trying to reassure me, to make sure that I was fine, while I was trying to gauge his reaction to some of my previous statements. What if he thought I was wrong? What if he got angry because some of them turned out to be true? His eyes, however, told me a different story. Yes, my assumptions were right, but no, he wasn't angry. More like pleased, relieved someone understood some of his reasonings and decisions.

"Come. We should start heading back" Remus said suddenly, taking my hand and starting to walk in the direction of the castle.

Looking around I realized the sun had set, and night was now rapidly approaching. Clouds gathered rapidly as we made our way towards Hogwarts, and the shadows that were cast on the snowy ground by the warm lights glowing within the hallways.

Then I realized something.

Today was a full moon.

As soon as that thought crossed my mind, I shivered. Remus must have seen it, because he stopped me and pulled my cloack closer around me, taking out his wand to cast a spell on it. I inmediately felt better when my cloak started becoming warmer. I smiled gratefully at Remus as we reached the castle, enjoying the feeling of his hand in mine. The thought of him turning into a wolf in just a few hours had my heart racing, but somehow I still felt safe next to him. If Snape had perfected the Wolfsbane potion, then Remus would be in control once he shifted. Which wouldn't happen for another couple of hours.

Once inside the castle Remus turned towards me, looking at me with a strange expression on his face.

"You should head to the Slytherin Common Room" he said "It's getting late"

I nodded.

"Thanks..... for everything" I whispered, unusre as to what to say. I couldn't help but feel grateful for Remus support. He seemed to be kind of akwards socially, and yet he had gone out of his way to comfort me. It was very sweet.

Turning around I headed for the Common Room, deciding on going to bed early. The events of the afternoon had tired me inmensly. Upstairs I changed into my pajamas and brushed my teeth, before heading towards the window. My eyes trained on the dark night sky, hoping to catch a glimpse of the rising moon, my mind wandering to Remus. He would probably be heading to Snapes office right now to drink a glass of the modified Wolfsbane potion. Then he would... head to the Forbidden forest maybe? As I pondered on that question, I turned towards my bed and layed down, to swiftly fall asleep.

It wasn't long before the nightmares started.

Like usual it started with darkness. Opressing, overwhelming darkness. A inky blackness so dark that I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. It constricted my chest, making it feel like acontinuous pressure was being exerted on me. Making it harder and harder for me to breath. Then came the whispers. Hissing voices, whispering things that chilled me to the bone. Death, blood, betrayal.... Coaxing me into the darker confines of my own mind. Threatening my sanity. Murder, treason, pain.....making my head spin from the fear residing within, threatening to drive me into that dark pit that is cahos. Torture, monster, agony.....Rendering me helpless, unable to move as the fear paralized me.....

Then, suddenly, it would be over, and I would be running. Running, running across a forest. As the ground disappear beneath me as I ran, the wind whistling arund me, whipping me in the face as I advanced across the mossy floor. Roots and leaves, twisted trees and dark shadows dancing before my eyes as I ran. Fear was coursing through my system, clouding my mind. In a haze of panic, all I could think about was the voices. Snarling and growling, they would hiss at me from the darkest  corners of my mind. The petrifying smell of iron and the coppery taste of blood, it all came together in my mind as I ran, fleeing from my own fear.

And then, all of the sudden, a piercing howl ruptured the nights frigid air.

Then, everything went black.....

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