Exactly What I Need ~ Smoleman

Chapter 11

After another productive day of filming, Matt and Jenna signed off and retired to their trailers. On the way to his, Matt was intercepted by Moffat.

"Hey, Moff," he grinned cheerily.

"Hey, Matt. Sorry to see you're in such a good mood," the producer didn't even smile.

Matt frowned, wondering what he meant by that.

"I've got news that'll dampen your spirits. You see..." Moffat paused, his expression now growing sympathetic. "...Jenna's invited her boyfriend on set."

Matt was stunned for a brief second, both by the news and by Moffat's pitying expression.

"I didn't want to tell her 'no', since it was a humble request, and she never asks for anything anyway," he went on. "But I did consider you and thought-"

"What's it got to do with me?"
Matt asked rather defensively.

"I just thought I'd warn you," Moffat replied honestly, not breaking eye contact. He knew. This wasn't the playful teasing before. He understood that Matt really loved Jenna, and that not being with her romantically must have been tearing him apart.

"It's fine," Matt shrugged. While he was one of the greatest actors Moffat had had the pleasure of working with, he could see the sadness in his eyes.

Moffat decided not to say any more on the matter, and bid Matt good day. Matt continued to his trailer, no longer a spring in his step.

- - -

Jenna had texted Richard to tell him that Moffat had agreed to let him come on set in a few days' time. He'd instantly responded with a hundred smiling emoji, which made Jenna feel happy and glad.

She skipped along to Matt's trailer to say goodbye for the day. Normally, he came to her, but he hadn't shown up yet, so she thought she'd beat him to it.

She knocked on his door.

"Come in!" he called out and she obliged.

She was surprised to see Matt lying down on the floor of the trailer, his hands joined behind his head like a pillow. He was staring up to the ceiling, as if he were contemplating life's big questions. (You know, like what's for dinner)

"Comfy?" Jenna arched a brow.

He tilted his head backwards and looked at her upside-down. "Enormously."

Jenna grinned, then tottered up to him and sat down. He looked up at her with all the affection of a puppy. He lifted his hand to stroke the back of her arm. The simple action prompted her to lie down beside him. It was a bit of a squeeze, so Matt held her closely to him, his chin resting atop her head as he cuddled her.

His arms wrapped around her didn't feel trapping like the other night after dreaming about the Whisper Men. It just felt... nice. Like coming home after a long week. After all you've done that week is wish for home. She closed her eyes, and Matt could feel her body completely relax.

"Are you feeling better today?" he murmured into her hair.

"Much better," Jenna replied, feeling rather touched that he was still checking up on her. But he didn't need to. She felt at ease with him.

She just wanted for time to stop. Just to stay locked safely in this warm moment. Just her, and Matt. That was all she needed...

But even now, together and happy, the thought of Matt's departure loomed over them. While they both looked forward to the future, for Matt's acting opportunities and Jenna's time with Peter Capaldi, they dreaded having to leave each other. No more playing pranks and hiding from the runners, no more winding up Steven Moffat, no more making each other laugh day-in day-out, no more long cuddles like this...

They didn't need to communicate this sentiment - they both shared it. They couldn't offer each other words of comfort - only sympathetic hugs that translated as 'I'm gonna miss you'.

Especially now that he'd realised his feelings for Jenna, Matt was worried that their separation would break his heart. Nevertheless, he was extremely grateful for what he had now - time with Jenna. They still had a couple more weeks together before he left Doctor Who for good. He knew he'd just have to make the most of it. And as sad as leaving would be, he knew he'd always treasure these last couple of weeks.

"Hey, we're still gonna meet up and stuff when we're free, right?" Matt asked Jenna, almost as if verifying.

"Of course," she answered instantly.

Neither made a joke or said anything sarcastic about how he needed to check, or how quickly she'd responded. They both just needed serious honesty. And both were dead serious about remaining friends and keeping in touch off set. After all, that was the main reason Matt couldn't tell Jenna his true feelings, because he didn't want to mess up their friendship which he could still preserve.

"Good."

"Yeah."

Not another word was spoken. They lay together, cocooned in a silent daydream. However, one thing repeated over and over again at full volume in Matt's mind: I love you, I love you, I love you...
It carried on like a stuck record as he kept hold of Jenna's warm body,

Eventually, she had to go, so she detangled herself from him and stood. Matt felt like he was being dragged out of a dream he didn't want to end. That's what it was to him. A dream that he wanted to last forever. But very soon, it was going to end, and he wouldn't get to lie with the woman he loved in his arms anymore. The harsh reality was that they were going separate ways. Hers also happened to already involve a boyfriend. The one she was going home to now.

"Bye, Matt," she offered him her hands and helped him to his feet.

"See ya, Jenna-Louise," Matt's lips formed a thin smile. Jenna smiled back at him, then headed out of the trailer.

Matt was left to his own thoughts. Mainly just thoughts of her... and himself... and Richard.