Amnesia [MARICHAT]

18

   Marinette was absolutely miserable. She didn't know what to do besides cry herself to sleep every night and ask the universe why, why this had to happen to her of all people. Why did she have to fall in love with the one person she wasn't supposed to fall in love with?

   God, everything hurt. Her heart ached like she was the last one alive on the earth and everything was on fire and she was completely and utterly alone-

   It was a while before she finally told her parents she was ready to go to school. That she was ready to leave her bedroom.

   They had assumed that she was simply upset because of what had happened to her. That she was traumatized. And they had given her all the space she had needed.

    But they had no idea that she was devastated over the loss of Chat Noir. The fact that he was still there - that she would be working with him almost every day to defeat akumas - made it so much worse. 

   She slipped the straps of her backpack over her shoulders and nodded a goodbye to her mother and father who were smiling solemnly. She stepped out into the morning air and turned to the direction of her school taking in a deep breath.

   There would be more questions. More, "I'm glad you're okay Marinette."

   But she didn't care about that. She didn't even care about Adrien anymore - not nearly as much as she once had. She was an entirely new person. Chat had changed her. He had been in her life just as much as Ladybug had, but then he had barged in on a different level and made her see him a brand new way. He had planted a seed in her heart that had grown, winding around her spine to keep her standing straight. A flower bloomed that made her cheeks redden when he was near and her heart race.

   But after that akuma attack... when they came so close to losing everything...

   She had killed it. Struck that flower with her own pain and watched it wither, poisoning her with everything she would never be able to have. 

   It had started only a few weeks before she had lost her memory for the first time. 

   Chat Noir had collapsed on her balcony, sick from a heavy fever that he had gotten from the rain. Just thinking about it made her mind wonder back to when her memory was gone, and she had asked him to come inside so he wouldn't get a cold. Maybe she had remembered what had happened before in the darkest part of her mind and had acted on it. But when she had found him that first time, passed out on her roof, she had dragged him inside. She had no idea what would come of it.

   He had slept in her bed that night. She had fed him soup and replaced a wet cloth on his forehead every hour. When he had woken up, very early in the morning, she had refused to let him leave until she was completely sure that his fever was gone. So they had ended up watching a movie (just like they had when she lost her memory), until dawn arrived and he was better. 

   After that, they had begun to hang out. Fairly often. He brought her halfway up the Eiffel Tower and they had shared a picnic, once. He told her about his favorite things and she did the same. 

   The first time they kissed had been in that very spot, when he had brought her up there for the fourth or fifth time.

   She hadn't been thinking. She hadn't thought much about the consequences at all, actually. And she knew Tikki would have - and that was why she had kept it a secret from her. Tikki had always been sleeping or eating or simply in another room when Chat was over. She had never known the depth of their relationship. 

   But the danger had always been there. In the back of her mind, like a stain that would not disappear no matter how much you cleaned it. SHe knew for sure she was falling in love when she had made that jacket. And then tucked it away in a last attempt to stop what was going to happen. But it failed.  And Hawkmoth must have seen them - learned of Chat Noir's weakness.