Forever in Sixteen Days

A Letter for Kenneth

Hi Kenneth,

I just wanted to say thank you for being a real friend. You're my number one source for Xenna news, and I'm very grateful that you trust me enough for you to share what's happening.

This is kinda awkward. Because I've never really written a letter to you, have I? Plus, the letters that I usually send to boys are, you know, love letters.

This is a friendly letter.

When we first met, I knew that there is something in you. I knew that you were going to play a part in my life. That you won't be just a classmate, an acquaintance.

Turns out I was right. You made me realize a lot of things about Warren, and all the guys that I've loved before. Because you proved to me that a boy and a girl can be just friends. I have to admit that there are times when I feel like there's something else, especially when you do things that guys don't normally do to me. You talk to me at random times, you help me even when I don't ask you to, and you're nice to me. Maybe this is because I don't really have guy friends, and maybe that is due to my talkative nature that they can't stand being with me. The only guys that I befriend are those that I fall in love with.

Your case is different. I know that now.

If I wasn't in love with Warren, I would have fallen for you. Even Xenna knew that. But Warren changed the way I think about love. And that is not my point here. Warren and I have a lot to talk about, and I'm not going to use this letter to rant about the things that I hate in my love story. This letter is for you. I wrote this letter because I want to tell you things that I wouldn't be able to tell you in person. Maybe because it's easier to talk to you with a letter, where everything that you read is already there. No turning back. Unlike in person, even if I already had an outline of what to say, if I decide not to tell something and leave it out, I could.

I am at my most honest state when I'm writing letters. But my emotions could be felt at their strongest when I'm talking in person. So the idea here is to let me read a written letter in person.

Did I drift away from my point again?

Sorry.

My point here is that I realized that you weren't trying to be nice to me. You were really nice to me. There's a difference between trying and actually doing things, you know.

And I really appreciate it, Kenneth. Another thing that I'm very grateful for is that you didn't play with two hearts.

Uh, yes. Even if I had this feeling that you're going to play a part in my life, I always thought that you could do it. First impressions suck, you know.

I was so scared that you'd give me false hopes and once I fall for them, you'd tell me that Xenna is really the one and you might have been the cause of a misunderstanding between me and my best friend.

The books that I read, the movies that I watch, and the things that I believe in led me to assuming that those things could happen. Because really. Nothing is impossible. And I'm one hell of an over thinker. Yeah. Sorry for that word. I really meant to use that because it's the one that would fit. I think that you know that by now. That I always mean what I say. That the words that I use is 99.99% close to what I really feel, because there are feelings that we can never explain with words, am I correct?

Back to my point.

Thank God. he heard my prayers. The things that I am afraid of never happened. When you became friendly to me, you stayed close enough for me to know that you're a friend, and you also stayed far enough for me not to assume things. Smart move. It was during those times that I realized it. You are just a friend.

As time passed by, I allowed myself to trust you.

Until my ultimate ship was established. When Xenna told me the news, I felt so happy. So happy for you guys, and so happy for myself, because I was able to finally wipe out the possibility of you playing with two hearts. And when you started to talk to me about you and Xenna, I felt that you're a good guy. I felt that you're someone that I would love to see with my best friend forever. You know how important she is to me, don't you? I felt like I could trust you with my best friend's heart.

Then our Little Infinity came, and it taught me a lot of things, the things written here included.

Before our Little Infinity, you were just a friend to me. You're one of my best friends now.

I know that this is just the start. You two will face more challenges, but remember that I'm here for you guys.

You taught me that the way we see things is not always how they actually are. That everything has meaning, but we don't need a meaning for everything.

Our Little Infinity was something that existed among us three. You, Xenna, and me. Although things got complicated at the middle, and I got cut out, it's okay. I've accepted things now. And the most important thing is that I learned from what happened.

I thought what the three of us had was like a forever sort of thing. I was wrong. Maybe it's because you can't have something that would last forever if there are wounds that aren't mended yet. In our case, it was the friendship between Xenna and me. That was my fault, because I didn't have the courage to tell her the things that I've kept hidden. Because I was scared of losing her. But now I learned that when you truly love someone, you must always have the courage to let them go. Because if they truly love you as well, they won't leave.

So, I'm sorry for being a coward. I wasn't brave enough to fight for my spot in our Little Infinity. It was my fault that I got cut off. If I told Xenna the truth right away, I would have saved our infinity from being forgotten. But then, I won't blame myself, don't worry.

Xenna made a mistake on making that rule.

You made a mistake on giving Stella false hopes.

I made a mistake on not being brave enough.

But here's the thing: Our mistakes don't have to decide our destiny.

Even if what the three of us had wasn't a forever, we could always try again, right?

One day, I hope the three of us could meet and talk. On that day, the wounds will be mended.

I hope that day will come soon.