Forever in Sixteen Days

What If

Yeah, Warren is my greatest what if.

What now?

Even if I'm at my best state, I still have imperfections in my life. Your best state doesn't have to be perfect.

What do I do now? I need to talk to him but he's far beyond my reach at the moment.

I told myself to be busy doing things for the betterment of my life. But you can't move on with the next chapter of your life if the previous one isn't finished yet. You might miss something that would contribute to the overall plot.

I can't decide on what to do with Warren. Not yet. Not until we talk and finally have a firm statement on things.

It will never be easy to forget someone who doesn't want to be forgotten by your heart.

My heart really loved him. I really loved him.

And I still do. No matter how hard I try to convince myself that I'm slowly getting over him, the feelings would go back. Over and over again.

My heart doesn't get tired easily. It won't give up because of a little complication.

I could send a message to him. But I want to talk to him personally because I want him to feel the weight of what I'm carrying in my chest, and I want to feel how he would react upon hearing what I have to say.

I don't know what will happen to us after we talk. We might say that we're gonna stay friends, but not mean it. A wall would be there again, and this time it might be unbreakable. We might never talk to each other like friends again. I might lose him completely.

I'm sure that would hurt a lot.

But I would have to go through that pain for my heart to see what it needs to do. And that is, to move on. To let go.

We might say that we're gonna stay friends, and mean it. That would be nice. It's way better than forever having a wall between us. Casual conversations between friends are better than nothing.

But even if we stay friends, there would still be something that would hinder us getting closer. The awkward zone.

I would have to deal with that in case it appears.

He might say that he loves me too, but he might have just said it because he was carried away. Because he couldn't take it, seeing me crying like that in front of him, telling him that I want to keep my friend at the very least.

That would be the worst case scenario. Him pretending to love me. My heart would then hold on to something that is seemingly stronger than the one that it held on before, and then end up more broken than ever. I don't want this to happen. I pray that this won't happen. And once we talk, I'm gonna tell him that he should only say the things that he mean. He should be 100% sure of what he would say.

I have started preparing for those situations since that day when I found out that he was giving me, and some other girls, false hopes.

But what if the plot twists? What if our story turns around? What if our destiny is not to end up going on separate ways?

He might say that he loves me too, and mean it 100%.

He might say that he hasn't said it yet because he wanted to wait until the moment when our love will be right.

He might apologize for the pain that his cowardice have caused me.

Tears might fall from his eyes.

I have never seen him cry.

What if the day that we talk would be the first time that he would let me see him cry?

What if he holds my hand, and tells me that he always wanted to hold my hand and tell me that's everything's gonna be okay?

What if he looks in my eyes and tell me that he has loved me even before I started loving him? That he never told me because he knew what would happen. He knew that we would have forbidden love, and he wanted to spare me from the pain?

What if he hugs me tight?

I would cry. I really would.

I would tell him that I understand why. And that I forgive him. I'm gonna hold his hand and tell him that I love him so much that I have to let go of him for now. He would know why. I would hug him tighter and say that maybe one day the two of us would meet again and maybe when that day comes, we can finally be together.

Just like what was written on my letter.

I would let go of him for the time being. But my heart would still hold on to the hope that one day our love will be right.

If I let go of him, he would be free to love someone else.

I'd tell him that if he does, I'm grateful that even just for a short moment, he made me feel infinite. That even just for that moment that we would have, he made my dream come true. He made me experience the happiness that mutual love brings.

With that happiness comes also the pain of falling in love at the wrong time.

I'd want to freeze time so bad if that happens. I'd freeze time, and we'll live in that moment of true love forever.

Since that day when I realized that Warren is my real first love, I always thought that we would have a forever.

I'm a teen. It's normal for me to think that way. It's normal for me to think that he might be in love with me too.

He was the only one who cared this much.

During the days when I was desperate to forget him, I wished that I hadn't fallen in love with him in the first place. But even wishes can't turn back time.

I have already fallen in love with Warren, there is no turning back. Now I wish that time would flash forward, to that day when our love's gonna be right.

Too bad wishes can't make time go faster as well.

Now I understand why our story reached this climatic point.

Our story is real.

I just wish it didn't have to end too soon.