Letting Go | Day6 fic

9. the push n pull

malia

"i don't know what to do, sam. it feels freaking empty," i retorted and kicked sam's back making him stumble on the carpeted floor of my room.

"i fuccing hate when you are empty, malia. am i your personal hate-object?!" he cried, distancing himself from me.

"what should i do, sam?"

"you keep asking that, you aren't even telling me what's the problem!"

"i am marrying brian kang or!"

"or?"

"there is no or!"

"then why did you say it?!"

"because i wish there is an 'or'!"

"your problem is easy, girl, oh wait!" he sighed until he paused and thought about it... "is... it brian kang... from jae's... group?"

just like how he asked it, i slowly nodded, fucking my mind up once again.

"that is pretty fucked up, maya." that is all he got to
say after all.

"do not tell jae." i asked when sam lifted his phone up to my face.

@yellowjae92: man, malia is getting married to brian, did you know?

@rosesam: i have no idea, man.

"how. did. he. know."

"i have no idea," sam replied, shaking his head at the realization that my life has fucked its own up.

"i'm killing myself," i announced and stood up from the bed and left sam watching the loud house on my room. but before that, i looked back to see if he's going to stop me but when i look, he's like still into a trance of what i said about marriage.

"sam!" i yelled to get his attention. he panicky glanced at me and raised both his brows. "come with me, i am killing myself!"

he made a face yet still stood to take me to his arms and we walked out of the house. "why do you need me if you are killing yourself?" he scowled.

"i am taking you down with me, you stupid sammy," i roughly utter.

"seriously tho, malia. where are we going?" sam asked as we entered his car. "are you going to jae?"

"after what i did when we last met? i don't think i can ever see him again." i sighed at the thought of it.

"but this is your last chance. you're settling down, bro." sam made a serious face and i just can't talk when he does that. it is in one in a million times when he act normal.

"just remember this. you are my boyfriend. we are together since 2014 and we love each other."

"are you gonna use me as a cover up? heck girl, no," he smirked but with that smirk is his scary look. "just get him back. tell him everything and see what he would say," he advised.

"i am fucking scared, woosung oppa."

"i will be there," he assured me and patted me on the top of my head. "i will know if you need me or not. always."

he started the engine and we start to drive to day6's dorm. i smiled to myself. i don't know what i would do without sam. he is everything i got after jae and my dad (which is limited).

"brian," i uttered when the first thing i saw after getting off of the car is brian with a paper bag of groceries. sam tried to get out but i give him a look that says it's okay.

it feels awkward after all the scenarios from derek's mansion. i remembered walking out of the scene that is why i did not know what was his reaction to the great news.

"are you here for jae?" he casually asked like nothing happened. i don't know but i think it is for the better.

"um, yes. is he here?" i stepped a little closer to him. "need help?"

he shook his head, "nah. it is fine. by the way, jae is in the studio right now."

i slowly nodded. "thanks. been a great help."

"you know you can enter the building with me. you mind?" he said about the stuffs, "wait for me here."

i took a long inhale and exhaled when my mind is composed. i got inside the car to see sam's worried face.

"what happened?" he asked.

"we're going to jyp building. with brian," i announced and let out a deep sigh.

"you're in good terms with him, i think?"

"yeah. nothing's wrong with us. tho the last time we contacted each other, he pranked me into getting here just so jae can see me."

"so he is not in love with you?"

"no! he has a girlfriend, for god's sake!"

"oh! he has a girlfriend, and jae cannot have one?"

sam's question bombarded me. i stayed silent until brian got in. sam and brian addressed each other formally and talked about stuff on the way to the building but i kept my silence.

i am nervous about this whole thing i am going to do. it feels like every wrong step in the way and i'm gonna live with all the consequences of everything i have done wrong.

jyp is in high security but with brian, we entered the building smoothly. i am with sam. his car is parked underground. one floor up and we reached their studio.

"are you ready?" brian asked. i nodded at him. "let's get it. he's in cubicle 6 for all i know. that's his favorite spot."

i and sam walked inside the studio quietly and were greeted by the cold air. there were little cubicles there, i think it's for solo rehearsals or something.

sam found the cubicle six and knocked. jae saw him first and was about to close the door after coming out when a girl, a pretty looking skinny tall and gorgeous lady went out, with a grin on her face.

i was stoned and couldn't move my both feet. when i tried to reach for something to hold on, i found myself dizzy. sam caught me and hurried to pinch my cheeks so he know whether i live or not.

it is one of those episodes again.

i began shaking and trembling but all i could think of is why jae and that girl is inside the cubicle, and i suppose i am not getting an answer today.

i stopped shaking suddenly. sam put me down on the floor. he pushed jae and the girl so they do not confine me. i need to breathe.

for whole two minutes, i was just staring at the studio's ceiling but i can clearly hear sam and jae's heavy breathing. for one last deep breathe, i closed my eyes and felt very tired.