Moments (One-shots)

The Look In Her Eyes [Akutagawa Ryuunosuke × Mafia! Reader]

[From the anime "Bungou Stray Dogs", From the manga "Bungou Stray Dogs", From the novel "Bungou Stray Dogs"]

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I never believed in love, it was a waste of time and focus. Love in this world is nothing but a mere emotion that clouds our minds. I would prefer to avoid it at all costs and for someone like me, I didn't deserve it.

I've never thought of why I didn't believe in it, to me it had always seemed pointless in a way. I can remember from when I was still scavenging by myself in the slums I never felt love instead I only felt fear and anxiety as it tore me apart day by day. I knew right then and there that everyone I would meet was bound to die, leave or betray me.

Why would I waste more of these silly emotions to such petty people? Despite having a sister at that time I never cared because our relationship was out of pity.

Blood is thicker than water, yes. But like water, blood is also liquid therefore it can't stay safely enclosed in your hands, it's bound to leak or spill some time soon.

If I had love at the palm of my hands I would eventually destroy it unknowingly to myself. I would be bound to screw it up. I don't think I can keep it to myself.

But the look in her eyes told me something else. It seemed to hypnotize me into believing love was something someone like me could acquire. I wanted to have it.

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When I was in the slums I had taught myself that in life only those who are the strongest live comfortably on top. That means I had to overcome whoever was on top to finally be able to reach that but with my powers, I was a mess, I had no control over it and I was sure that I would end up dead sooner or later.

Even if I had no control over my powers that didn't mean I wasn't able to find advantages for me despite my lack of experience. It was a reckless move and I'm sure that the smallest mistake will be the death of me, but even if I die I wouldn't really care.

But the look in her eyes told me to live life differently. It seemed to persuade me into thinking that I didn't need to be the strongest. It told me that all I really needed in life was...Someone like her.

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During an encounter, while trying to fend for myself I was badly beaten by the Port Mafia. Before they tried to put me out of my misery a man stopped them, he told me he would make me stronger if I went with him and joined his group. I agreed to his suggestion, I didn't want to stay a stray dog in the slums.

I did manage to become stronger when I joined the Port Mafia and my powers only intensified the time I was trained there. They were going to shape me into someone stronger, someone that would be able to kill those weaklings that stand against the Port Mafia.

My mentor was a weird man who seemed to love the idea of suicide, Dazai Osamu, the youngest Mafia Executive. I admired the man, he was no doubt the strongest to me. He trained me ruthlessly, despite him calling me weak when I couldn't stand up after his training I still held my admiration for him.

If I wanted to be on top I had to surpass this man, my mentor. But I was still weak, I wasn't able to fully control my powers and this would be the death of me. Even if I wasn't on the slums anymore I would still die because I was weak but I should never disappoint my mentor, so even with a weak sickly body I trained and trained myself to the bone until I passed out from exhaustion.

I withstood all his ruthless training to follow in his footsteps. I withstood his beatings to learn from my foolishness. I withstood all his cruel remarks to change myself. I withstood everything he put me through just to hear him praise me. I needed his acknowledgment to know how far I've gone.