All is Fair: Zayn Malik Fanfiction

Chapter 36

I scoff. "Yeah, lots of fun."

He smirks. I don't think he heard the sarcasm in my voice.

He slides his hand up the back of my shirt to the small of my back and arches me closer to him. He dips down to kiss me, and I turn my face so he can't. He stops when he realizes he is aiming for my cheek. His head jerks back, and he furrows his brow. When I do not look back at him, he reaches for my hands by my sides."What's wrong?" he urges while massaging my hands with his thumbs.

I know this voice. This isn't his sincere voice. This is the voice he uses when he is fed up, and when he drinks, it comes out more often. It is partially angry, but since he almost always is trying to persuade me when he uses it, he keeps his tone quieter, although it is rough.

I shake my head. "Nothing."

He doesn't buy it, and I didn't expect him to. "I know that's bullshit," he fumes. I avoid his eyes, but he keeps trying to catch mine. After I refuse enough, he stops. His body moves side to side as he shifts his weight on his feet. He does that when he is thinking. He has to move when he thinks, I have noticed. One of his hand leaves mine and runs up to my face, and he roughly pulls my chin up, forcing me to look into his eyes. He tilts his head and wrinkles his forehead. "You haven't kissed me once today."

I shove his hand off my face and it falls to my hip. I close my eyes. "I don't like it when there's alcohol on your breath," I say faintly. I wish that would justify my isolation from him for the entire day, but we both know it doesn't.

He tightens his grip on my hand and on my hip. "Yeah, but I haven't been drinking all day." My eyes dart up to his as his grip on me starts to ache. He glances at his hands quickly, and then slightly relaxes himself, eliminating the pain.

His eyes burn into mine, and I just stare back blankly. Moments like these are what confuse me about Harry. How can he cause me pain while trying to help me? It happens often. It makes me sick that he does both in my life. His frustration and urgency are clear in the wrinkled skin between his eyebrows. I turn my eyes to the ground when his glare becomes too much for me.

I take a breath and release it unevenly. This is not where I want to be. Home sounds like a much better option, and not Harry's.

He runs his thumb over my hand that he holds. I look at him and his face is regretful. Maybe he realized hurting me isn't the way to get to me. He steps forward slightly and sighs. "Last kiss of the year, come on," he whispers in his deep voice. I sigh. I feel like a bitch because of my hesitance, but none of this situation feels right.

10. 9. I lift my head up once I hear that they have started counting down the seconds. 8.

7. I have to kiss him now. 6. I get off the wall and am ready to kiss him by what I feel is obligation. My heart is hardly in it, though 5. He doesn't notice. He seems to relax and he drops his head to hide a smile. 4.

In the corner of my eye I see a man in the back of the room leaning in to kiss someone. 3. He stands out to me, making my cheeks flush and my heart pound against my chest. 2. It can't be him. Nobody invited Zayn, Harry made sure to tell me. 1. The mention of Harry makes my eyes dart back to him. His head is looking the other way, toward the back of the room. He followed my eyes to the couple. Happy New Year.

The crowds behind Harry roar. Couples are kissing, music is playing. 2015 is happening behind Harry. He slowly turns his head back to look at me. He drops my hands and they fall against my legs. "Happy New Year," he says as he turns to the party, and he walks away.

"Harry, wait," I say quietly, but with little effort, and he disappears into the crowds.

The second Harry leaves my sight, my eyes go to the figures in the back of the room. The man leans away from the woman and smiles down to her, some girl I am certain is Delilah. The man turns his face and looks towards me. It is not Zayn. The woman turns around, it isn't Delilah. My stomach drops with a mix of relief and remorse. It makes me happy that Zayn isn't here kissing Delilah on New Years, and that gives me guilt.