it has been a month
of fast food
and stomach pains
of waiting hours to fall asleep
mind running too fast
heart beating even faster
the fear and
the strain and
the pain
it has been a month
of jumping when the phone rings
of slowly dying
and hospital rooms
of saying goodbye
without saying anything
at all
it has been a month
of aching depression
of bad days
of urges so strong
they take hold of the heart
and beat for it,
so you are living for it
breathing for it
and fighting against it
feels impossible
it has been a month
of squeezing into a car
where there is no room for you
of being surrounded by people
but lonely
of having schoolwork
but not finishing it
because the thought of doing it
with no motivation
feels impossible
even as grades drop
and this paper towel
has splotches of color on it
but it's bright pink
not red
nail polish
not blood
and it is a small step
it is one battle
in a lifelong war
but it is something
it is something.
