Imperfect Scars

Chapter 10: "My Last Goodbye"

I ran to my room and texted Carson that I wanted to give him my blade to remember me. All my life I have been waiting for this moment. I and Carson texted all night.

C: Why? Why are you giving me your blade? Remeber me?

Me: It will make more sense later, but for now want to come over and watch a movie?

C: Sure! What movie?

Me: We can decide that when you get here.

C: Actually, I can't I have to go to baseball practice. :(

Me: Oh ok, maybe another night.

I had thought of things like what if he was making that up and going out with another girl because he saw how suicidal I am?! Ok, now I am just making things up. The next morning, I checked my phone and I saw that Carson was in a picture with some girl! And she did not look like his sister, Cassidy! I decided to put it off until I got to school. Once I did, I ran up to Lily and told her everything. She did not feel like putting up with this sh*t and she grabbed my arm and walked over to Carson (Who was talking to his friends) Lily lost it and she yelled, "CARSON! GET YOUR A** OVER HERE NOW!"  He looked at her with fear (Mainly because she was cracking her knuckles) And ran over.

C: What do you want?!

L: YOU- (cough cough) You have some explaining to do mister!

C: What explaining?!

Me: This! Who is she and why are you guys hugging!?

C: That is my cousin. She visited this week and she was leaving yesterday, so we decided to take a photo and post it on her Instagram.

Me: Oh, that makes a lot more sense.

C: And it even says, "Going to miss my cousin! Going back to Hawaii!" 

Me: Oh, sorry Carson. I just got confused and then told Lily and she turned into a poisonous Lily!

He looked at us in disgust and walked away. I turned to Lily and she had an embarrassed look on her face. She mouthed, "I'm sorry" and hung her head down low. I told her that it was okay and it was just a misunderstanding. When school started, Carson didn't even look at me during class. I thought that he might think I am too overprotective or something like that. When school was over, I had gone to talk to him. He has said that he wanted some space to cool off. But we're good now! I think. I got home and I checked my Instagram and there was another photo of Carson and his "cousin" were KISSING?! Um, last time I checked you don't kiss your cousin on the LIPS! I dropped my phone and then I had to pick it up again and to call Lily and tell her what happened. "Hey, Lil I need to tal-" But even before I could finish my sentence, there was a knock at my door. I opened it and it was Lily. Not surprised. I told her what happened and she said that she was going to have my back. Then, I told her I had to move, and she got really upset. 

L: Are you serious?! 

Me: What?? What did I do?

L: You left me and went on a vacation to let me remind you to HAWAII and then you are going to leave me?! And I also dated Marcus so he can get off our backs with the whole, "flower girls thing".

Me: Well, I'm sorry but I have to move because my mom's payment wasn't cutting it and my sister DIED.

L: I don't give  F*CK about your problems.

After, she left slamming the door and me in tears. My Bff turned into my Bfe, Best f*cking enemy. My mom is now going insane and spending her money on things like drugs, cigarettes, and drinks. And it is now on a daily basis. My world is now crumbling and falling apart. My sister is dead, my mom is going insane,  my boyfriend cheated on me and denied it, and to top it all of is my Bff hates me forever. I have to confront Carson tomorrow and end things. the next morning I got a text from Carson saying that he wouldn't trade me for anything. LIKE PLEASE B*TCH! Once I got to school, I saw Carson coming towards  with his arms out me saying, "Rosey!" First, don't call me that, and second, come towards me with your arms out  as someone who I don't like= hugs =you getting kicked in the balls

Me: Carson.

C: Why so upset babe?

Me: Babe?!

C: Do you not like me calling you that?

Me: Yes! And Rosey and don't call me ever again while you are at it!

C: Oh, I know what's going on. You got your end of a sentence.

Me: WHAT?! HELL NO! I know you're cheating on me with your "cousin"

C: wha-no! Me- pfft. Where's your proof?

I showed him a picture of him and his "Cousin" kissing. He was speechless and he kept trying to mouth things but there was no sound. He stood there like an idiot (which he is) as I walked away. Then, I turned around and yelled, "Oh, and it's OVER!" Once I got home I knew it was time. I kissed my mom goodbye and that I will miss her. I prayed to my sister that I will hopefully meet her up in heaven. I went into my room and played my favorite song from MCR, which is "Cancer" A line that I relate to is, "The hardest part of this is leaving you."

I know this is weird but this is Rose's mom, Julie. I have to write this part because something has happened to her. Let's start over, I kissed my mom goodbye- words-words-words, and I wrote a note and left it on my bed. It read, "I know you will b very upset and angry. But this is for the better, so I decided to finally kill myself. If you want to see my dead bloody body on the floor, look over the bed, but this is my last goodbye. Goodbye, mom and friends, goodbye old horrible sh*ty life,  and now goodbye world. The hardest part of this is leaving you. ~Mcr" Then I went into the kitchen and got the sharpest knife there was. I went back to my room, avoiding my mom and got ready. "Will this really make my life better? This will be a step up from my self-harm. Will I go to Heaven or Hell?" All of those thoughts I put to the back of my head and did it. I closed my door and got into position. I was breathing heavily and my heart was pounding out of my chest. I took deep breaths in and felt hot tears streaming down my face. I gave myself a small cut to help me stop, then I did it. I felt the knife pierce through my skin and felt it make a whole on the other side. I pulled it out and placed it next to the note. My body felt weaker and weaker and I fell to the floor. Bleeding out on the floor. I heard my mom yell my name a few times and she then opens my door. She looked at the note on my bed and then saw the knife. She looked over and saw my half-dead body on the floor. She rushed over, crying and saw where she saw where the knife had pierced through me. She had put her hands on my face as I said my last words, "The hardest part of this is leaving you." I slowly closed my eyes and faded away. I laid there as my mom had the ambulance on the phone, cold, dead, and alone. Goodbye world. Forever.