The Tattooed Devil Wears Chucks

Chapter 60: The Code

Gabby. 

"Okay so why the stickers on the girls?  I didn't play football...  I didn't play any sports.  Morgan played Volleyball freshmen year but quit halfway through the season.  It could just be a coincidence.  Maybe she liked football players."

"It's so odd that she has these old yearbooks though, Gabs."  Sydney begins writing down the names of all the females on the list on the other half of the paper.  I don't know why but it makes me uncomfortable that I have a sticker.  I don't understand.  "I think we should go back and show Jax."

My eyes roll.  "No."

"This could be really important.  That was a lot of names for them all to have that in common.  I'm not kidding, Gabby.  We need to go back."

Sydney grabs the yearbooks and begins stacking them. I have no desire to go back and see Jax again today. I don't feel like having my mental breakdown in front of him. Plus then I have to bring Zo with me again. Then I get my idea.

"Yep, you're right.  Let's go see Jax. But we need to drive around first."

"Okay...?"

<><><>

It takes a half hour of driving circles around town before my daughter is sleeping in the backseat of the car. We park the car in our own driveway and then Sydney and I walk across the street with Zo in my arms. Sue let's us back into the house after a few knocks on the door.

"Awe she's tuckered. You can put her on the couch if you'd like." Sue motions to the living room.

I ignore her and dart towards the hallway. I don't even bother to knock, I open his door. He's sitting on his bed, lost in the pages of some book with his earbuds in. Then his head lifts and his eyes grow as he sees me holding Zooey.

"Books, what are you doing?" He tugs the buds from his ears and shuts the book. He looks completely panicked right now but I know this is for the best.

"I'm making my own decision. You need to know her. She's sleeping. Stand up."

He gets out of the bed quickly, his eyes don't leave Zo. "Gabby, she can sleep in Court's room..." He thinks I'm going to set her in his bed but he's mistaken. I hand her right to him, placing her into his arms. I know how she sleeps, she's not waking up anytime soon. Her little arms automatically wrap around his neck and her head rests below his chin. Her whole body rises and falls with his chest as his rapid breathing begins. The look of complete terror washes from his face the moment she nuzzles in closer to him. His eyes close and he places a light kiss on her hair.

"Now tell me that you don't want to know her. Tell me that you can walk away from her again. She wants a dad, she wants you. Her day was made today because she got to read on the same porch where her dad used to read.  Act like you don't love me, I can handle it.  Love her!  Because if you do the same to her, that I can't handle."

He frowns and places his cheek against her head. "I don't want to hurt her." He whispers. "I love her, Gabby. I'm terrified something will happen to her because of me."

I smile at him. "That's called being a parent. Trust me. She terrifies me too. I get that you're not ready to tell her and we can talk about that. But don't leave again without knowing her. She loves you too."

He nods and gives her another kiss. I feel like I could melt right here. Seeing him hold Zooey is something I never thought would be a possibility again. It baffles me that we can agree that he loves her and she has love for him but we can't seem to say that to each other. If only one of us can have Jax, I want that to be Zo.