The Tattooed Devil Wears Chucks

Chapter 40: The Graduation Party - Part I

Jax.

Sunday, May 28th 1:15PM.

As if I was a teenager again, my dad forced me out of my bedroom early in the afternoon to help set up Courtney's graduation party.  Part of me was happy for the distraction, another part of me wanted to stay holed up in that room forever. I don't want to function.

I felt as if I had messed up.  I had messed up more than I had when I kissed Morgan in front of Gabby.  That was to get Gabby off of my mind.  This time I chose to end it.  I knew in the back of my mind it was what was best for both of us.  She needs to get away from here.  This town is toxic and she is slowly being poisoned.  I see that now.  If we had stayed together, and Felix had told Dan what he had seen, my probation would have been fucked.  I know that Dan said he couldn't do anything, that as a dad he would make my life a living hell, but I couldn't risk it.

Dan was someone I had come to trust.  My last probation officer was not like him at all.  It was strictly a job where the guy was paid to hate me, to catch me in lies.  There was no give a little or take a little with Jim.  Dan on the other hand, it was as if he wanted to see me succeed.  That he worried about me.  Jim had always asked me the same ten questions weekly, not caring about the answers.  Dan cared.  When I answered something honestly and he didn't like the answer he would ask follow-up questions and make sure I wasn't going to do anything stupid.  I didn't want to disappoint him.

The problem was - I loved Gabby more than anything.  More than I ever thought I could.  Her face when I told her to leave town, she wasn't just hurt she was pissed.  How many fucking times did we have to end this? Us?  Always for the same damn reasons, I'm not good enough for her.  I know I'm not.  This needs to be the last time I end it.  Fuck Felix and his terms, I ended this. My choice. Not his. Right?

I knew I was going to have to make an appearance at Courtney's party tonight.  She's my little sister and I'm crazy proud of her for graduating. Last year if you had asked me if this party was happening I would have given a firm no. She was a disaster. Seeing her today, how happy she was hanging up green and gold decorations all over the back yard, I got the reassurance that she was in a much better place. Even since the graduation ceremony two days ago, she seemed better. Maybe it was just me being paranoid and a protective older brother. Or maybe the worry of actually graduating was a little bit of a trigger for her.

"You okay Jax?" My dad had been watching me closely all day. The last two days actually. Every parent worries about their kids, I understood that. But my parents had to worry more, they had reasons for it. I mean shit, at one point they had two of their kids on suicide watch at the same time. There were constant questions about how we were feeling that weren't needed, more of a reassurance that they were here for us if we had a bad day. But today my dad actually had worry in his eyes for me.

"I'm fine, pops."  I nod to him to grab the other end of the folding table and he does.  We carry it across the backyard and set it in line with the others.  Courtney immediately covers it with a yellow paper tablecloth.  She has a pattern going of alternating between green and gold.  Green tables had yellow plates and napkins, yellow tables had the opposite.  Typical girl shit, but she seemed happy so I went with it.  Whatever she wanted, I'd do it.

"Just fine?" He slaps his hands together to remove the dust from them.  "Seems like something is wrong..."

My parents still were not aware that Gabby and I had been dating.  They knew I was friends with her.  They knew she had suffered an assault and I made it clear that she openly talked to me about it.  They understood that.  Courtney needed certain people after hers, it's a healing process.  The thought that I had again taken that person away from Gabby made my gut twist.  Two fucking days without her and I felt destroyed.