The Tattooed Devil Wears Chucks

Chapter 58: The Mind of a Teenage Girl

"Mother fucker - that's the second one this week." She mutters it beneath her breath but I hear it. I walk to her, take her hand in mine and slowly pull the purple rubber band from my wrist to hers. I pretend I'm not feeling the tingle of her skin against mine. She looks up from her wrist with eyes wide. "You kept it?"

"Yeah, don't break it. That thing kept me sane for seven years." I let go of her hand and let it drop to her side. "You take the closet, I'll take the desk, Sydney you take the big dresser. We will work our way around the room."

Sydney does as she's instructed and follows me into my little sister's hot pink bedroom.  Gabby remains in the kitchen staring at her wrist.  She rubs the rubber band between her fingers and then looks back to me with the saddest eyes. I waited.  I love you and I'm here.  I can't say those things to her, it would never be fair.  It was me that messed up.  I wanted her to have a normal life, she got it.  So I divert my eyes from hers, and sit at the desk to begin searching through drawers.  I don't turn around when I hear Gabby come in and begin opening the closet.

I'm not even sure what the hell I'm looking for. They think they will find something because they were once a teenage girl, so what am I doing in here? Am I needed, probably not. I think I'm just here to spend time with Gabby. Sydney gives us instructions, open every single page of every single book and look for notes, empty anything that opens, question anything that doesn't belong in the bedroom of a teenager. So that's what I do. I pick up one of her textbooks and begin flipping page by page, finding nothing but some highlighted notes for biology.

I try and catch glances of Gabby as she empties the bottom of the closet. She pulls out loads of shoes, running her hands through them as if something would be stuffed up inside the toe of them. Girls hide shit in their shoes? Her blue eyes catch mine and I turn quickly and begin moving the mouse of Courtney's computer. It's not even on. Smooth Jax. Real smooth.

We are in the room for hours sifting through everything. I lift the bed as Sydney pulls out items from under it. Stupid shit, shoe boxes of concert tickets, a bag of blue solo cups, board games, a stuffed animal she had when she was younger, a few cans of stolen beer from my parents fridge that I'm sure tastes like complete garbage now, her yearbooks, and a bunch of old photos from when we lived in Illinois.

"Nothing," I mutter and let go of the bed.

Sydney begins sifting through the concert tickets first. At one point I hear her ask "who are the Foo Fighters?" causing me to cringe and laugh at my age. I turn to Gabby to see if she's listening to the ridiculous shit coming out of her sister's mouth but she's not. She's sitting against the doorframe of the closet, holding a jean skirt and sniffling. Sydney takes notice too and leans in to whisper. "All this stuff and she's going to lose it over a skirt?"

I sigh and look back to Gabby as she covers her face and her shoulders begin to quake. "This isn't about Courtney it's about me. Can you give us a minute?"

Sydney nods and picks up the rest of the concert tickets and the stack of yearbooks to take them out to the living room.  I move down to the floor across from Gabby, leaning against the opposite end of the closet frame.  "I saw you once."

"What?" Her head lifts from the skirt.  She sniffles again.  "What do you mean you saw me?"

"I saw you.  I went back to college in Wisconsin and I needed to transfer my credits from UNI.  While I was there I made a trip to the library to catch up with Gary Clark who runs it..."