The Tattooed Devil Wears Chucks

Chapter 57: Fake Smiles - Part II

I motion to the door with a face filled with tears. "Does he even remotely seem interested that I am sitting in his room right now? No. He hasn't even asked about Zo. He's here but he's not the same. Even if he was begging for me to take him back... I'm getting married to Kane in..." I peer to Jax's clock and see it's a little after midnight, "...six days."

"Figure this out Gabby. Eventually you're going to have to tell Kane he's home. You can't hide this from him."

"She's not telling anyone anything." My dad's voice is firm. His face is red with anger as he stands in the doorway. "You realize you put Sydney into danger by telling her."

Jax stands behind him, looking at me sympathetically. He should feel bad. Bringing my dad over here tonight helped nothing.

"Jesus dad, I'm not worried. You cannot expect her dead boyfriend to come home the week of her wedding to another man and her to not have a breakdown. That's not fair!" Sydney always was one to come to my defense when I'd mess up. Once again I feel myself appreciating my little sister even more. I look back to Jax and see his eyes on the floor. He feels bad for coming home.

Sydney and my dad continue to argue about him keeping this a secret, how he should have told someone at the police department about the letters. About how he could lose his job for this. I take this time to approach Jax. I stand in front of him and just wait for him to say something, anything. He doesn't.

"You're really not going to talk to me?"

"Gabby..." his eyes roll. "We talked this morning."

"You're not even going to ask about your daughter? You don't want to know what she looks like? Or what her favorite food is?"

"I can't" his eyes fill with tears.

I frown at him, giving him a frustrated stare. "Are you seeing someone?" It comes out as a whisper. I can't even look at him after I ask because I don't want to know the answer.

"No. There's no one else." His head shakes. "I just, can't get attached. She has a dad, she has Kane. He's been there for her. I'm dead to her and even if I could meet her, something could happen to me for real this time. I won't put her through that. Plus, I've already put her into danger just by answering Dan's call." He still won't look at me. I swallow hard and nod my head agreeing but screw this. That little girl is his.

"Her name is Zooey Court Parker."

"Gabby, please..." he continues to cry. Now my dad and Syd have stopped their arguing and are staring at us.

"She was born on December 22nd, which she loves because she gets more presents at Christmas.  She was six pounds and six ounces, pink and perfect."  He may say he doesn't want to know her but he is hanging on to every word coming from my lips.   "She is my mini but she has your green eyes.  She has long blonde hair and long skinny legs.  Her favorite food is pancakes.  She hates popcorn, which is fine because you know I don't like to share.  She loves to read Jax..." He smiles and laughs through his tears. "I mean really loves it.  She's six and reading chapter books.  Her favorite is Boxcar Children and that's because they are missing a parent like she is."

"Gabby..." he pleads for me to stop again but I don't.  He needs to hear this.  He doesn't have to want me back but he needs to know her and she needs to know him.

"Kane is not her dad.  She knows that.  Not once have I ever told that little girl that Kane was her dad.  She thinks you passed away because you were sad.  She took that hard Jax.  She doesn't like to talk about you and I try.  She needs a dad.  She needs you.  I understand why you don't want to tell her but we are going to figure this out.  We are going to find out who took Court from us and who is threatening our daughter."

He nods his head and I lean up and wipe the tears from his face.  He reaches up and grabs my hands, holding them near his face.  His chest rises and falls fast as he looks into my eyes.  My heart is breaking.  This was how I wanted him to look at me.  He's still in there.  But this hurts, because I want him to tell me he loves me.  What would I say if he said it?

"You're marrying Kane Porter on Saturday." He whispers it and lets go of my hands.

My stomach sinks, tears flood my face. "Yes I am."

I want to run from this house, throw myself into my childhood bed and never come out.  Everything is so fucked up.  How can I love two people so much and so differently?  How do I even explain to Kane that Jax is alive and then lie and say I don't love him anymore.  I can't not love Jax. 

"Jax.  Courtney's things, did your parents keep them?"  Sydney is asking Jax but her eyes are on me.  She knows how upset I am by what just happened and is trying to get us back on track.

"Yeah. Her room is the same.  Nothing has changed."  He turns away and rubs his eyes.  "Why?"

"I think we should start there.  We go over every inch of it.  Something was upsetting her and she wanted to talk to dad.  Maybe she left something behind that would point us in the right direction as to what that was."

"Syd the police combed that room.  They found nothing out of the ordinary." My dad shakes his head.  "We need to lure the person out, as dangerous as that is..."

"No.  It needs to be her room first.  Not tonight obviously.  It will look suspicious if we are gone all night.  We look through her room first before doing anything drastic like luring out a murderer.  Police looked through her room not knowing something important, something that Gabby and I do."

I look to my sister confused.  I don't know anything about what would be in there.  I'm not sure I even want to go in there.

"Such as?" My dad asks.

"The mind of a teenage girl."