The Misfire: Book 3 (Newt || Safe and Sound)

7. Missing Them

"Bear tracks?" Finn asked worriedly.

"Yes Finn. Bear tracks." Beau rolled his eyes.

"We also found shedded snakeskins." Major Lonn added.

I continued eating my food quietly as I listened to them. They occasionally asked Newt several questions about his life and the blond boy kindly answered them. They were practically impressed especially when he told them about how they rescued Minho from the last city.

"You have no idea how relieved I am that WCKD is over. Those shitlings deserved to rot in hell." Edwin stated.

The room fell silent for a few seconds before Finn decided to change the topic. "So are we serious about moving up to the mountains then?"

I glared at Finn and wished he'd just shut up. I was trying as much as I could to dodge that topic since the thought of relocating to a place far from my friends annoyed the living klunk out of me.

"Maybe. Maybe not." Papa finally answered.

I gulped silently while trying not to get distracted by my thoughts. This was one of the downsides of Quantum. They just prefer being isolated from people. It's like they have their own way of living and the rest couldn't qualify with their lifestyle.

~

That night, after dinner, I decided to visit the rock with the carved names of the people who never made it to the Safe Haven. It was still weird seeing my own name there although I told them not to remove or slash a line on it since I was practically dead inside. I traced my fingers on Chuck's name. He was still so young and vulnerable. Yet no one was able to save him.

"Maya."

I froze for a second before looking at the side. Thomas was standing there, a hatchet on his hand. He probably just finished with whatever he was helping at the construction. I returned my gaze on Chuck's name.

"You miss 'em?"

"I thought you wanted to stop talking about them?" I questioned.

"Well I ugh.... I didn't re-"

"Thomas, make up your mind!"

"Look, it's hard, ok? I want to forget. I'm trying. But I don't think it's fair. For them."

"I also try to not think about them," I admitted, a bit ashamed, "But it's hard. They were a big part of us. Still are."

"What if we were given the chance tonight, to have all our memories erased, would you do it?"

"I don't think anyone here has the right equipment to e-"

"Maya you know what I mean."

I exhaled heavily, unsure on what to respond. Of course there were so many moments in my entire life that I wish never existed. The painful ones, those that kept me up during the night. I truly wanted them forgotten.

If possible, and we somehow could pick which memories to erase and which ones to retain, then I would most likely do it. Now that I've thought about it, it wasn't all misery back at the glade. The gladers made life less depressing. If only all of us made it out in the end.

It fell silent for a while. Only the faint howlings of the evening breeze could be heard around the peaceful surroundings.

"Did Teresa....did she know that I uuhhm...." I couldn't even bring myself to say what was on my mind. "Did she think....y'know...."

"Teresa didn't see you in the Berg," He muttered sadly, "She didn't need anyone to tell her. She knew."

"I just couldn't help it. I had to ask Newt. He told me that....he told me that she hesitated. She could've made it."

"Maybe she just realized her betrayal just to find a damn cure wasn't worth it."

I stared at Teresa's name. I wasn't being delusional or anything, but Thomas could be right. Afterall, Teresa did tell me that she'd do everything so she could fix me even if I never asked her too. She and Thomas were my only friends back at WCKD's lab and no matter how grouchy or antisocial I was, they were always there for me, even giving me the opportunity to meet Newt and the other subjects. When she betrayed us, I kept telling her to stop using me as an alibi but deep inside, I was also hoping that she'd find a cure. When they told me about how she never made it, I felt guilty.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault," Thomas replied as he patted my back once, "You came back. You got cured. She didn't die in vain."

"B-but you love her. And she's not here because of me."

"And blaming yourself is not gonna bring her back."

I pursed my lips and clenched my fists, shifting my gaze on Alby's name. Thomas was right. No matter how hard I blamed myself for the loss of my friends, they're never coming back. They were gone but that didn't mean we also had to stop living.

Thomas spoke again. "Remember when I kissed you before you entered the maze?"

"Remember when I slapped you because of it?"

He scratched his head. "Hell, that still didn't stop you though."

"Why don't you go kiss Brenda or Minho?"

"Maya, I'm not gay."

"I didn't say you were," I responded dryly, "What I meant was that you're open to, to both parties." Thomas made a sour face and shook his head widly.

I knew Thomas loved Brenda. But right now, he was just confused. Maybe because he still misses Teresa? Love is weird. But then again, so was Thomas.