Sunbound

☀ Concrete Jungle (Where Dreams Come to Die)

    Skylar opened his eyes. Their noses were almost touching.

    "Me too," he said, his voice gravelly.

    He looked passed her face, which was a feat in itself — she was too beautiful to turn away from, — and found himself staring at a black and white photo on the nightstand. The photo was of Delta, that wide smile fashioned to her face, nestled in the arms of a tall, hulky blonde man.

    He looked back at her. He felt despondent.

    "I never took you for a cheater," he said, flatly.

    Her hand reached up to comb Skylar's hair back and she smiled sweetly at him. "And I never took you for the sentimental type. But here you are, in my bed."

    "Delta," he groaned.

    "What?" she laughed, gently slapping his toned stomach that was marred with countless tattoos and scars, the same ones she often found herself fondly caressing every night in dimly lit motel rooms during the three months they spent on the road together. "If you're worried about me falling in love with you again, you'll be sorely disappointed. I'm very much in love with Jeremy."

    He looked at her with narrowed eyes. "Then what was last night? If my memory serves me correctly, which it does, you were the one who initiated the sex."

    Delta turned over and snatched something off of the nightstand beside the photo. It was a ring. A modest, but brilliantly gleaming diamond engagement ring that clung adoringly to her left ring finger when she slipped it on.

    She looked back at Skylar. "Last night was me making sure that getting married to Jeremy is what I really want."

    "How's that working out for you?" he scoffed.

    Her smile became brighter then. "I'm not begging you to stay, am I?"

    Skylar stared at her for a long time, searching her face with those golden eyes. He didn't know what to say. Conversation was always so easy with Delta, but now, he almost didn't recognize her.

    She took his silence as her cue to elaborate. "For the longest time, all I wanted was you, Sky. I spent weeks crying myself to sleep every night when you left me here. But then I realized that... I want a future with someone, too. And I knew, considering everything you've been through, you couldn't give that to me, and that's not your fault. Honestly, if it weren't for you, I would have never figured out what I wanted in life, and I probably would have never even given Jeremy the time of day, let alone my hand in marriage."

    She placed her delicate hand on his cheek and stroked the stubble there. "Last night was me double-checking. Although the sex was amazing," she giggled, "I didn't feel anything here." She removed that hand from his cheek and placed it on her chest, over the heart that was beating divergent to Skylar's.

    "You used me," he said, lacking any trace of audible emotion. "You used me in your experiment to make sure you're really in love with your absentee fiance."

    He didn't know what emotion he should be experiencing after her confession, but that despondent feeling from earlier still tugged at his chest. He also realized, offhandedly, that he didn't know much about anything lately; from how to feel about that snowy night in the field, to how he ended up at Delta's apartment, and now to this.

    "I did it for you too," she said. "Obviously, you needed a distraction from whatever was bothering you... and, my fiance is not absent, by the way. He's just on a business trip."

    He didn't understand Delta, and then he thought that maybe he never did. At that point, all he wanted to do was leave.

    He untangled himself from the mess of dirtied sheets. He found his boxers, tattered jeans and sneakers on the floor and wordlessly began to dress himself.

    Delta stared sadly at him from the middle of the bed. She looked like she wanted to say something, but she couldn't get it out.

    He looked expectantly at his black T-shirt hanging loosely from her torso. She took it off hastily and handed it to him before wrapping her naked body up in one of the thin sheets.

    "Where are you gonna go?" she asked quietly.

    He pulled his T-shirt on, and sighed. Then he shrugged.

    She got up quickly from the bed, taking the sheet with her, and before he could protest, she wrapped her arms tightly around his stomach. Her head rested over his heart. "I love you, Skylar Glass. I'm no longer in love with you, but I love you," she asserted.

    Skylar's hand ghosted over her back. She had hoped he would hug her. Once again, she expected too much from him.

    She continued. "Those three months were probably some of the best times of my life. So, thank you. For everything."

    He didn't think he did much for her, but he accepted her gratitude anyway. He was in no state of mind to formulate an argument. He was too tired. The type of tired that sleep couldn't cure.

    When she pulled away, she quickly jotted her phone number down on a jagged slip of paper and tucked it in Skylar's front pocket.

    Without another word, he grabbed his jacket off of her floor and left to find the Chevelle double-parked outside of the building.

    He wasn't sure if he would ever make use of her phone number. If he didn't, that would be the third occurrence in the small slot of time they had known each other that he disappointed her. It killed him to know that, really. He cared about her, and the last thing he wanted to do was disappoint her, but he felt that, at that juncture in their relationship, or lack thereof, she should have known that he was in no position to give her any of what she needed. He genuinely hoped that Jeremy could fill the spaces that he could not. She deserved it, he thought.

    Skylar felt even more despondent as he drove through the melting snow and crowded streets of New York. He wished there was an easy explanation to the feeling, like winter just wasn't his season, but the more he thought about it, the more he discovered that nothing in his life was ever easy.

    When he crossed the border into New Jersey, he decided that he no longer liked New York.