The Tattooed Devil Wears Chucks

Chapter 56: Fake Smiles - Part I

"But you left.  You left me here and I broke.  I was pregnant and alone and broken..."

"I know, Gabby..." he croaks. "I had to..."

"I'm marrying Kane.  I love Kane..."

Once again he turns quiet, not elaborating on the subject. I want him to say something about it. Yell at me! Be mad that I'm not with you! Be mad that Kane is raising your daughter! Say this hurts you as bad as it hurts me...

His throat clears. "How's your bridal shit going?"

He knows I'm at my bridal shower. His mom is right inside, also wearing a fake smile. "I'm sitting outside, alone in my car talking to my dead ex. How do you think it's going?"

"You shouldn't be out there alone..."

"I couldn't breathe in there. I just... needed someone to calm me down."

He gets quiet for another minute or so before I hear his voice again, I can hear it with his fake smile behind it. "Did you get any good gifts?"

I give a real smile, he's trying to cheer up and calm my anxiety. Man, I've really missed our phone calls. "I got my very own popcorn popper!"

"I think your supposed to share the gifts, that's sort of the intent..."

"Fuck that. It's mine. I'm not sharing."

He chuckles on the other side of the phone and just hearing his honest laugh makes me feel a million times better.

"I should get back in there before my mom comes out and physically drags me back in..."

"Yeah, good plan."

"Thank you for answering this time, Alfie."

"Anytime, Books."

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Once again, I feel as though I'm back to being a teenager in this bedroom.  I'm sifting through my closet, tossing clothes to the floor, hangers fly, shoes kicked everywhere, suitcases lie open across the bed.  Sydney appears in the doorway, folds her arms and just watches the carnage unfold.  I ignore her standing there.  I have to find something to wear to my bachelorette party.  Honestly, I don't even care what I wear tonight.  I think I'm just taking out my frustrations on my closet.

"Um, Gabs?"

"WHAT?!" 

Her eyes grow wider as I snap.  My hands still frantically sift through hanging clothes that I'm not actually even looking at, I think I just took out Zo's little jacket and contemplated wearing it before tossing it to the floor.  She walks over, grabs me by my elbow and begins dragging me back to her room.  She shuts the door behind us and opens her closet.

"What's wrong with you?"  She asks as she begins pulling down a few dress options for me.

I throw myself back onto her bed and stare at the glow-in-the-dark sticky stars that we put up there when I was about fourteen.  "Nothing" I mutter.

"It's not nothing.  You're acting weird.  You're pale and I haven't seen you eat since the sleepover.  Is the whole Felix thing bugging you?  If it is we can call him up and get his ass over here.  Work it out already."

"He's always an ass.  That's not really bothering me."

She hands me a dark orange dress and I hand it back to her, scrunching my face as a way to tell her hell no. She holds up another dress in a lime green color and again I shake my head no. Her eyes roll. "Gabs, talk to me. Are you having cold feet? You could tell me if you were. Trust me, I get it. This wedding shit gives me anxiety too. You are saying you will spend every day of the rest of your life with one person, it's scary."