What if I die?

2

CHAPTER TWO: Suffering

Ciara's pov

I spent most of the afternoon cleaning the house despite my physical body being in pain, baka kasi magalit na naman si Tyron kapag naabutan niyang marumi ang bahay.

Paano ko ba naman kasi magagawa ang mga inuutos niya kung palagi na lang kapag uuwi siya, lasing. Tapos paulit-ulit na naman akong sisihin, sasaktan at ikukulong. Nothing new, paulit-ulit ang takbo ng buhay ko. Masasaktan, iiyak, pero patatawarin siya, dahil hindi ko naman talaga kayang magalit sa manya kahit ano pang sama ng trato niya. Paulit-ulit na rin akong nagpapaka-martyr at nasanay na lang ako na hayaan siyang gawin ang gusto niya, basta makasama ko lang siya ay ayos na ako, well not totally.

After I cleaned the whole house I sat down on the sofa to rest. Waiting for Tyron to return as time goes on, but every time I think of him with his so-called wife, I can't help but get hurt. I don't know who he's referring to, but it's so painful, it hurts me a lot. I stayed by his side because I knew he still cared about me, pero ngayong nalaman ko na may asawa siya bukod sa akin ay nadudurog ang puso ko at hindi ko na alam kung saan ko pa ilulugar ang sarili ko, my heart is breaking.

"Maganda kaya siya? Mahal ba siya ng asawa niya?" I couldn't help but burst into tears as I thought of what Tyron was referring to as his wife. If he is married to someone, then, what am I? Who am I in his life? I wiped the tears from my eyes as I watched my own wounds and bruises that instead of healing, were just getting worse and more numerous.

How can he do this to me? I couldn't really understand him, I couldn't imagine what I had done wrong, for him to treat me like this.

I stopped staring at my bruises and was immediately grabbed by my chest when I felt my heart suddenly stop for a moment. My lips parted as I felt the pain even more.

"Ah!" Hindi ko na napigilan pang mapahiyaw nang tumundi ang sakit, tila ba'y may pumipigil sa pagtibok ng puso ko, making it harder for me to breathe.

I can't take this, why do I have to feel and suffer from this.

"A-aray! Ah!! Ang sakit!" Nagsimulang mangilid ang mga luha ko dahil pilit akong naghahanap ng hangin sa ere para makahinga.

Tyron .. Where are you ..

I glanced slowly at the door, hoping he would come, but my shoulders immediately fell when I remembered that he was not coming home. I started to calm myself and inhale a few times and let out heavy sighs to ease my feeling. I breathed a sigh of relief as I felt the pain in my chest gradually subside.

"Hindi na nga ako magkanda-ugagang asikasuhin ang mga pasa at sakit ng katawan ko, bakit naman kailangan mo pang sumabay sa sakit, puso ko? You're the only one who's making me strong, bakit pati ikaw ay nasasaktan na.." I said weakly to my heart.

I thought of leaving for a while to get a check-up from the nearby hospital. I might not live much longer in the world if I just ignore this pain.

"Ayos lang po kayo, Mam?" Napalingon ako sa taxi driver nang tanungin ako nito.

"Ayos lang po, manong." Nakangiting tugon ko pero inilingan lang ako nito.

"You're not in a good condition, you shouldn't just endure it if it's only giving you pain." Mapait ang ngiting kumurba sa labi ni manong driver nang mapansin niya ang mangilan-ngilang pasa sa mukha at katawan ko.