What if I die?

1

CHAPTER ONE: Flashback

Itinuon ko ang aking atensyon sa kisame ng aming sariling bahay habang prente na nakahiga sa sariling kama. I just woke up but I can already feel the coldness of my surroundings. It is just so frustrating and makes me feel so sick.

Why did I even end up in this situation? Is it really my fault that I become selfish just for once in my lifetime?

Napapailing na lang ako sa tuwing naalala ko ang mga nakaraan. Kung hindi ko ba pinag-sapilitan ang gusto ko, hindi ba hahantong sa ganito kagulo ang buhay ko?

"Ciara!" Agad akong napabalikwas ng tayo mula sa pagkakahiga nang marinig ko ang sigaw ng asawa ko mula sa ibaba ng bahay namin. I hurried out of my room and ran down from the stairs. As I finally got down, I saw him dressed and seemed ready to go somewhere, his eyebrows were knitted that made him look so grumpy.

Where will he go again this time? Didn't he just leave yesterday? Parati na lang siyang umaalis, and I don't know where he goes. But still, I have a right to know, right? I'm still his wife. I have a right to know everything he will plan to do.

"You're leaving again? Where will you go this time?" I dare to ask him, though it's pretty obvious in my voice that I'm too nervous to speak to him, but still I managed to hide it from him. I don't know, but, every time I need to face and talk to him, I never lose the fear that was engulfing my whole system, it's always like this. Palaging nanghihina ang mga tuhod ko sa tuwing pinupukulan niya ako ng masasama niyang tingin. Pero wala naman akong magagawa sa nararamdaman ko dahil sa kagustuhan ko rin siyang makita at makasama kahit pa hindi ganoon ang nararamdaman niya.

I waited for him to speak, but I didn't get a reply from him. Instead, he just removed the glasses he was wearing and gently rolled rubbed the bridge of his nose, as if he were tired of answering my stupid questions.

"B-bakit mo nga pala ako tinawag-" I hadn't even finished what I got to say, when I felt his heavyweight palm hitted my cheeks. My lips were loosened because of shock and disbelief. I didn't expect that, and didn't see it coming. Napako ang paningin ko sa sofa na nasa gilid ko, as I fought my back in tears. I could even barely open my mouth when I felt the heat and dampness of the tears that were filling on the sides of my eyes. It hurts. It's so sick. I shut my eyes and inhaled some air just to ease the pain and stop the tears booming in my eyes.

It was just a slap, Cia. Don't cry.

Ayoko ng umiyak. Pakiusap, Ciara. Tama na ang pag-iyak. Pagod na pagod na ako.

Again, I unleashed a heavy sigh before turning my gaze up on him again and meeting his wicked, dark eyes that seemed to be furious. I gulped.

"May silbi ka pa ba?" I averted my gaze as I heard him uttering those words that made my heart clenched.

"You didn't even bother cleaning up this freaking mess?" He pointed out the trash that was cluttering around.

But he's the one who made it.

"What's your plan in life beside from sleeping all day inside your fucking room? For pete sake, it's already afternoon, yet you haven't cooked any food, Ciara! Are you really just going to lie down there and have fun?!" He exclaimed that made my head down.

'How could you expect me to do things I have to do, kung parati mo akong kinukulong sa abandonadong kwarto at palalabasin lang kung kailan mo gusto?' I wanted to open my mouth to speak for myself, but silence prevailed on me, because he has a point. Dapat manlang ay gumising ako ng maaga para ipagluto siya dahil ganoon naman talaga ang ginagawa ng mga asawa.