The Tattooed Devil Wears Chucks

Chapter 43: Sleeping Beauty, a Criminal and a Correctional Officer

"I-" I stop and glance to Gabby and back to Dan.  I'm not quite sure how to answer it.  "I'm honestly not sure.  We never finished talking that night.  I hope we are but I'm not putting words into her mouth."

He seems okay with this answer and nods.  "Have you taken any drugs or drank alcohol?"

"No." I reply.  "The doctor prescribed me Valium to keep me mellow through this but I haven't taken it yet."

"How is the anger?"

"I'll let you know when you give me someone's name to direct it at."

He sighs with another nod.  "I hope for all our sakes that is soon.  How is your anxiety?"

"It's fine.  Still on my meds, it's under control."  Total lie.

I've come to know the route of his questions.  He will ask about suicidal thoughts and depression next and then when they are supposed to be done he finds some way to sneak in a question about Gabby.

"Tell me about the raspberries..."

My eyes squint towards him with confusion.  "What about them?  I'm allergic, obviously..."

He tosses the paper down on my bedside table, followed by the pen.  He leans over in his chair, placing his elbows on his knees and clutching his hands together.  "Jackson, your dad told me you haven't had an anaphylactic shock episode since you were eight and some kid brought cupcakes with a jelly filling to school.  You've had three this week..."

"No shit..." I hold my hands out and motion around the room.  I'm in a fucking hospital bed because of it.

"What I'm saying is that it's an odd allergy, and you obviously have very good control over it.  You know how to avoid them.  I mean even Gabby knew that night that you should avoid the woods.  So I get why it occurred that night.  But two more times the same week seems excessive..."

I nod agreeing.

"Does this have to do with your depression?  Has this week been too much on you?"

"Huh?" My eyebrow raises. 

He sighs again.  "Are you ingesting them on purpose?"

I chuckle shaking my head.  "Jesus Dan... I don't enjoy this..."

"That's not what I asked."  His tone tells me he's not being playful.  He almost seems angry with me right now.

"You think I'm trying to kill myself?" I nod, seriously on the brink of tears but forcing myself to laugh anyways. "That's just fucking awesome."

"You're avoiding the question."

"Because you're going to think I'm crazy if I give you an honest answer!" I yell. Immediately after my outburst I swivel back towards Gabby to ensure she's still asleep. Not even a flinch, still curled up in a ball with her book, looking fucking beautiful.  I take a deep breath through my nose and exhale it slowly through my mouth and turn back to Dan.

"You don't have me quite convinced on the anger question, do I need to go back to that one?"

"No" I mutter and toss my bead back to my upright bed.  I press my eyes closed tight.  Check the anger Jax.

"Talk to me then.  What's going on with the raspberries?"  He is completely focused on me.  Watching me for any type of reaction I may have.  I bring my blanketed knees up to my chest and set my elbows on them.  My knees begin to bounce from my nerves, just as they used to in my earlier meetings with Dan.  He definitely notices this.  "Jax..."

The sound of him using my nickname freezes me.  He's never called me that.  Everyone else does, but never him, not once.  My knee stops bouncing.  "I think someone's trying to kill me."

The words I've been thinking sound even crazier when I say them aloud.  He shifts uncomfortably in his seat.  Fuck, I should have just kept my mouth shut.

"Kill you?"  He nods and grabs his paper and pen again.

He doesn't believe me.

"Courtney was paranoid before graduation.  Crying constantly. Saying that her, Gabby and I couldn't trust anyone in town; that it wasn't safe.  She was acting mad.  She said that Gabby was in danger or we all were in danger and that town was dangerous.  Honestly, I didn't listen close enough.  But after graduation, she was fine, back to her old self.  I thought maybe she went off her meds or something.  But now she's dead.  That night... she wanted to talk to you about something.  It was important because I wanted to talk to you and she said she needed you first.  She's dead.  And now I keep going into anaphylaxis."

His eyes land on Gabby. I know what he's thinking... he's wondering if his daughter is in danger. Honestly... I've been wondering the same damn thing.

"Maybe I'm losing it. Maybe I did touch them, I don't know..."

He straightens himself.  "You're going to keep one of those pens on you at all times, you hear me? In your pocket, you get undressed for any reason, it's with you but hidden out of sight. Don't tell Gabby that either. Jesus she'll never sleep again."

I nod my head yes, even though he's not watching me, he's still watching Gabby.

"I would never let anything happen to her Dan." I swallow hard. "I'd die before I let someone hurt Gabby."

He lets out a heavy sigh and refocuses on me. "Yeah, I know the feeling."