Delinquent Daisy (Book 5)

Chapter 22:

I threw some bills on the bench grabbed my bag of alcohol, muttered ‘keep the change’ and walked out with my hair bouncing on my back.

.

The water was so peaceful I just wanted to immerse myself in it and never come out. It was so peaceful it made me want to float off into the clouds. A pebble could create a mini war in that clear blue water. The water held so many secrets and wonders yet on the outside, on the surface, it was peaceful with the soft waves licking my feet and calming ups and downs like a slow rollercoaster. So, so peaceful.

My white, long dress brushed the sand as the wind lifted it off up the ground slightly and my hair was blowing in the same direction. I wasn’t wearing any make-up and I hadn’t slept much so I had bags under my eyes. I’d been standing in that spot for the past five hours just watching the calm, calm water.

Maybe I should just buy an island and lose contact with everyone and just live by myself watching crappy TV shows and I’d learn how to cook – see I figured at first I’d be a crap cook but eventually I’d be able to make a mean soufflé or lasagne – and I’d get a dog or something so I wouldn’t go completely crazy. At least I wouldn’t hurt anyone that way. It would just be lonely, but I liked being alone and Noah would come to visit with Jane and Peter and the boys.

I would run, but I wasn’t running away. I was protecting Liam and I was protecting myself. Well, I didn’t know how much I would protect myself. But hopefully if I lived away from everything, the fame and the lifestyle that comes with it the ache in my chest that Liam had created would fade like shadows in a setting sun. I didn’t want to see Liam fall in love with some other girl who would probably be ten times, no a hundred times, better than me. Let’s face it, I was not a great person. I smoked, I drank, I was selfish, rude, I have an attitude problem and I was just a mentally fucked up person who had family issues that ran for miles.

Liam he deserved someone who was sweet, kind and loving. Someone who knew how to have fun but at the same time played by the books. Someone who was beautiful inside and out. He deserved someone who would give him the life he deserved. I couldn’t do this so I would leave him. He would live the rest of his life hating my guts and that would be my sacrifice. I would do it but I didn’t want my heart to be pierced with a spiky knife every time the tabloids released a loved up article of Liam with some perfect girlfriend. I just wouldn’t be able to do that. So-

A tap on the shoulder made my body go rigid like a stone. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t do this. I loved him, I couldn’t hurt him like this. Shut up, I told myself, I could do this. Cold. Calm. Detached. I needed him to believe I was back to the old bitchy, unstable me. It was the only way.

So I breathed in, put on an unreadable face and turned around. My breath hitched as I took in Liam. I hadn’t seen him in days that felt like years. He looked confused and I could tell he was trying to read me. He was wearing board shorts with a black t-shirt and he had a little bit of stubble on his chine and jaw line. His eyes were full of worry and they had every right to be because, well, I had been ignoring him for days and I’d been back in Tahiti for three days now. I wanted to hug him but instead I crossed my arms over my chest to stop myself and before he could even open his mouth, I cut him off.

            “It’s over. It’s so over. Just over,” I said keeping my eyes focused on a bird I could see just over Liam’s shoulder. My voice didn’t crack and my eyes didn’t water and I was proud of myself for that small feet. The bird cawed and it’s little beady eyes stayed on mine as though it was telling me to look at Liam.

My eyes looked back at Liam and my heart became a mosaic, it shattered and then froze, giving me permanent, relentless pain. Liam’s eyes were watering and he was trying to say something but nothing was coming out. I couldn’t bear to look at him so I turned and walked away. I left him alone on that beach and I would regret it for the rest of my life because I loved him yet I had to leave him. Life was cruel. Sacrifice hurts but if it didn’t it wouldn’t be a sacrifice I suppose.